Fears
The fears of a two-year-old are very much tied to his imagination. His fear of the dark, of thunder and lightning, or of strangers is exacerbated by the images that arise in his mind. For example, the dark might conceal monsters, the thunder might be someone's anger, and strangers might be people who want to hurt him.
The most important thing to do when your child is afraid is to get him to talk about his fear as much as he can. Ask him for details. What does the monster look like? What does your child think the stranger will do with him? Although this may seem counterintuitive (if you don't talk about something, you might think it will go away), the reality is that the more open your child is about his fears and concerns, the more able he is to see the fear as irrational and unlikely to come to pass. This is true even for two-year-olds.
Further, taking the fears of your child seriously by listening to them with respect will show him that you care about him and are validating his experience, which is a necessary component of trust.
When he is expressing fear, a child may really be asking his parents, “Should I be afraid?” By listening to him, you can show that you respect his fear. At the same time, you are actually conveying that he shouldn't be afraid. You are showing him that you believe what he says he is experiencing, but you also know more about the situation than he does. This communication encourages your child to trust you.
Your two-year-old may also be apprehensive about the social world you're slowly exposing him to. At two, there is a good chance your child will be going outside more and meeting new people. She is expected to interact more with new people and to answer their questions. “How old are you?”they will ask. “What's your name?”
Alert!
Try not to respond in place of your child. Even if she's shy, let the situation play itself out as long as possible. It's easy to jump in and answer questions for your child, but if you do that too much, she won't get used to having conversations with new people. She'll also come to think that it's your job to speak for her.
Before you go to a new place or take your child into a new situation, explain to her what she can expect. Remind her of the people she's going to see: “Remember Aunt Gloria?” “We went to her house last year, and you had fun!” Describe what she can expect: “We're going to have dinner, but first you'll be able to play with your cousins Julia and Audrey. They have a big swing set outside.”
If you know of something that might make your child fearful, say, a dog or a relative who tends to be loud, warn her about this. “Uncle Peter has a big dog named Brooklyn. He barks, but they're going to keep him in the garage while we're there; you won't see him, but you'll hear him.”
If your child does get scared or worried, reassure her calmly about the situation and tell her that it's okay to feel scared by new things. The more comfortable you feel with the situation, the more comfortable your child will feel. Don't shrug off her fears, because these are very real to a young child. Your two-year-old needs to know that her feelings of apprehension are valid and that she can look to you for reassurance.
