In June of 2006, the journal Pediatrics published a Boston University study by Kyung Rhee, M.D., which found that the more rigid a parent was about food, the more likely that parent was to have an overweight child. The researchers followed 872 children and assessed their parents' parenting style. They also concluded that young children who received parental love with clear-cut boundaries were less likely to be overweight by the time they started school.

Parents walk a delicate line between setting boundaries and supporting their child's individual needs and personality. Previous eras often considered a child to be a blank slate that parents (and society) needed to mold and instruct in order to create a good person. During the 1960s, some parents rebelled against this attitude, believing instead that children left to their own devices would grow up healthier and happier. Without being negligent, these parents let their children have more control over their own lives.

Indulgent Parenting

Permissive parents provide their children with neither daily routines nor set boundaries. For example, a child with permissive parents often doesn't have a set bedtime or a routine that makes for restful sleep. His meals aren't provided at set times or based on good nutrition.

Permissive parents give their children too much freedom and then are often surprised when their children don't follow rules or know how to behave in a social situation. Permissive parenting does not, as these parents might hope, create strong children who can take care of themselves; rather, it makes children worry that no one is taking care of their needs. Consequently, they never learn self-discipline and good behavior.

Permissive Parenting and Eating

For most American children, high-sugar and high-fat foods, such as candy, chips, fruit snacks, and soda, are available all the time. When parents combine the easy availability of junk foods with a permissiveness that, say, lets their children overindulge their sweet tooths, the result is often childhood weight and health problems.

If you find it difficult to set boundaries for your child, remember two things: First, children feel better and they do better when they have an adult setting limits for their behavior. Permissive parents often think they are making their child happy by giving him what he wants, but in fact you will make your child happier in the long run if you give him what he needs.

Second, if you are already permissive, in order to parent more responsibly you don't have to go to the opposite extreme and become authoritarian. You simply need to set some boundaries between you and your child. Establish routines and be sure she knows who is in charge of the situation. Let her know that you set the rules, but — an important caveat — you create those rules based on what's best for her. This is known as an authoritative (not to be confused with an authoritarian) parenting style.

Authoritative Parenting

It turns out that the most successful parenting style, in terms of raising happy and independent children with high self-esteem, is authoritative. Authoritative parents are strong parents, which is not to say they are harsh and rigid; the contrary is true. They set rules for their child but they are at the same time open and responsive to changes in her schedule, to her needs, and to the way she learns.

These effective parents — for they are those with the happiest and most successful children — strive for a balance between control and empathy. Studies show that such parents produce children who are secure, independent, and have a high degree of self-control. They clearly serve as the boss and teacher of their child, but always by way of giving her respect, empathy, and some role in the decisions that affect her.

In other words, as an authoritative parent you are in charge, but at the same time you give your child some latitude. You choose your battles. For example, when your child gets dressed in the morning, you might give her some options by asking if she wants to wear her green shirt or her striped shirt. If she wants to have waffles or have candy for dinner, you might tell her that dinner has to be fish, rice, and vegetables, but she may have some candy after she eats a proper meal. This way your child has input, but you are in control.

Children of authoritative parents feel safe because they don't have more responsibility than they can handle. Also, because they are listened to and treated with respect, they feel confident in their ability to make good decisions. An authoritative upbringing is associated with social competence and lower levels of problem behavior in both boys and girls throughout adolescence and into early adulthood.

Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parents, the antithesis of permissive parents, believe that they should be in control of their children and that there is only one right way to do things — their way. Children of authoritarian parents often feel frightened and learn neither self-reliance nor self-control. They are more likely to rebel later in life. When it comes to food, children of authoritarian parents are more than four times more likely to be overweight than children of authoritative parents.

According to researchers, you are authoritarian if you expect your young child to sit or play quietly while adults are talking. (Remember, considerate behavior is something you want to teach your young child, not something you expect from him.) How often do you expect your child to go to bed without a hassle? Do you expect your child to be on his best behavior in public and to go to bed with no fuss? Authoritarian parents have unrealistic expectations of their child.

Even though such parents have very high expectations for their children's behavior, they don't provide them with the support they need or with the proper guidance. Consequently, children under an authoritarian parenting style have been shown to have weak social skills, low self-esteem, and high levels of depression.