You may talk to your child as you would to an adult, while your best friend uses baby talk with her baby. You bring your baby everywhere (even to adult parties), but your best friend has a standing date with a babysitter (and her husband!). Is there a right way to parent?

Yes and no. Most parents love their children, have the best intentions, and do the very best they can do. All parents make mistakes, and all parents have their own personalities. At the same time, however, it's not as if anything goes in parenting. History, psychological research, and plain old common sense have taught parents that some practices, such as bullying, teasing, yelling, corporal punishment, inconsistent behavior, harshness, and neglect, are all troublesome and don't produce happy, healthy children. The only way to be a truly “bad” parent is to be either neglectful and uninvolved or abusive. Research has shown that neglect is as bad as direct abuse.

Raising happy, healthy children should be the goal of every parent. Being involved and responsive is ideal. It reassures your children that you feel love for them, but that you also show them love by being there to listen, talk, play, and comfort.

Permissive Parents

Permissive parenting is a term that describes a situation in which parents respond emotionally to their children's requests for attention but do not set expectations or limits for them. This kind of parenting is best illustrated by the parents of the spoiled children in Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory — the kids watch TV as much as they want, they eat as much as they want, or get as many toys as they want, and at the same time, they aren't expected to live up to their potential to be giving, well-behaved, and industrious.

If at one year of age your child has no routines, you are a permissive parent. That might mean that he doesn't go to bed at the same time every night, but falls asleep whenever. Or his meals might not be balanced because you feed him based on what he will eat. Permissive parents give their children too much freedom. Ironically, this doesn't create strong children who take care of themselves; instead, it creates children who neither know how to take care of their needs nor understand discipline and good behavior. While no one expects a one-year-old to get a job, you can ask your child to help you put clothes in the laundry basket (rather than picking everything up for him) or have him help you clean up his toys.

Children who aren't given boundaries are often out of control, and when parents are faced with the bad behavior, they lose their temper. Children who have been exposed to permissive parenting are more likely to be involved in problem behavior and to perform less well in school; at the same time, they tend to have higher self-esteem, better social skills, and lower levels of depression. They feel good about themselves, even when, perhaps, they aren't doing as well as they could.

Authoritative Parents

Authoritative parents strive to seek a balance between control and empathy. Studies show that these parents help to produce children who are secure, independent, and have a higher degree of self-control. Authoritative parents are clearly the boss and the teacher, but they nevertheless give their children respect, empathy, and some role in making the decisions that affect them. For example, when your child gets dressed in the morning, you might ask her if she wants to wear her green shirt or her striped shirt. The child has input, but you are in control.

Children of authoritative parents feel safe, but they are also confident. These children learn self-control because they don't have too many options; at the same time, they begin to get used to their ability to make decisions.

Authoritarian Parents

Authoritarian parents believe that the parent is the big boss and that children should obey. They believe that they should be in control of their children and that there is one right way to do things — their way. Children of authoritarian parents often feel frightened and don't learn self-reliance or self-control. They are more likely to rebel later in life. In her book The Everything® Parent's Guide to Tantrums, Diana Baumrind defines these parents as “high in demandingness, but low in responsiveness.” In other words, they have very high expectations for their children, but they don't react to their children's needs and stages in a manner that provides support for their children. These children look to their parents to set an example, but the parents do not provide guidance yet continue to expect their children to behave well. These children have been shown to have weak social skills, low self-esteem, and higher levels of depression.