A book like this offers a lot of information on how to develop the skills and confidence you need to be a parent, but sometimes you will need real-life support — a friend to talk to, a babysitter to take over when you need a few hours for yourself, or even a doctor or therapist to talk with if you feel overwhelmed.

Many parents feel embarrassed to ask for help because they think it means something is wrong with their parenting. But, as the famous African proverb says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Years ago, children were raised within large, extended families and even larger communities. These communities benefited not only the children but the adults as well because they offered support and advice. Plus, there was a lot of physical help — if your child was crying and you needed to make dinner, there was always someone around to do one or the other for you.

So, if the idea of asking for help makes you feel worse than getting the help itself, you'll first need to remind yourself that support is good for both you and your child. The less alone and isolated you feel, the better parent you'll be and, at the same time, the more your child will know that there are people around who are invested in him.

What Kind of Help and Whose

Before you actually ask for help, take two things into consideration. First, determine what kind of help you need. Second, find out who can best give you that help. Finally, think about the best possible ways to ask for the help you need.

Do you need time to yourself? Advice? Someone to watch the baby? Someone to talk to? Do you need to spend time with someone who isn't thirteen months old, or do you need a few hours to yourself? Think about what would really help — time alone, the company of a good listener, advice, or someone to make you laugh. Be clear about what would help. Sometimes something as simple as a ten-minute walk around the block without a child (and maybe with a friend) is enough to make you feel much better.

Now you've come to the big second step: Whom should you ask? The best thing to do is figure out who is the most likely to give you the help you need. Some friends are great for babysitting, while others are great for listening. You might want to ask your mother-in-law for advice, while your father-in-law is the person to ask for help moving the baby's bedroom furniture. You'll be more likely to get what you need if you ask the right person.

How to Ask

To ask for help, tell the person you want help from exactly what you need. For example, you might say, “I'm upset because I haven't had any time to rearrange the baby's bedroom furniture. I want to put his art table in the corner and I can't move his crib by myself.” Then directly ask for help by saying something like, “I was wondering if you could help me?”

Chances are that your loved one will give you what you need and be happy doing it. Even if the person you ask cannot give you the help you need, that doesn't mean you should give up! Ask the person if there is another time when he can help. You may have to turn to someone else or offer to do a favor for the other person (especially if the other person is also a parent), but you will ultimately find someone to help you. Asking for help is an opportunity to build stronger family relationships and a tight-knit community with friends and other parents.