Clueing In on Infidelity
Humans have an amazing early warning system — intuition — yet most people ignore it. Why? It's because they aren't always sure from where their feelings or suspicions arise. If there's no concrete evidence to point to, people tend to discount what they intuitively know to be true. Yet intuition is hardwired within you. Cultivate and use it. Law enforcement investigators who have interviewed many victims will tell you that most victims reported some type of early warning intuition that they failed to heed.
Without knowing that an attacker was inside, more than one woman has reported that the hair stood up on her neck or she felt something was wrong when entering her home. Others felt it when getting on an elevator with a soon-to-be attacker, when walking through a parking lot prior to an attack, or when walking by a car before being pulled inside. They knew something was wrong, but they ignored the signals from this “other” sense because their physical senses didn't pick up anything.
The intuition of married people is astounding, but usually, it is acknowledged only in retrospect. The client may tell you he remembers answering increasing numbers of hangup calls; recalls his spouse hurriedly hanging up upon his approach; and remembers long, unexplained, or poorly explained absences, all of which he noticed but dismissed. At the same time, he felt his wife pulling away or losing interest and knew that something was different (conversely, some clients report that the spouse is more attentive).
He may have noticed that her appearance changed. Maybe she began to work out, diet, or overdress for a trip to the grocery store. This was his early warning system in action — and ignored. Eventually, the client admits that he wasn't imagining things and comes to you for confirmation. He's in a terrible state, alternating between guilt at thinking badly of his spouse and hurt and anger at what he believes to be true.
By the time someone finds lipstick on a shirt, a never-received jewelry or lingerie item charged on the credit card, or is told that the spouse has been seen in a suspicious situation with someone, infidelity is a probability. At this point, the investigator is not asked to verify suspicions, but to obtain evidence of the infidelity. Even then, however, the investigator shouldn't make a determination, but should maintain an open mind and let the evidence take her where it will.