On Your Child's Mind
Getting comfortable with the idea of having a sibling, sharing parents, and potentially sharing a whole lot more will take a little time. Don't rush your child or expect instant excitement at the idea of a new baby. Each kid adjusts in her own way, on her own schedule.
Keeping your child's life relatively consistent on other fronts can help her adapt to the new baby better. Now is probably not the time to start a potty training push, a move to a new house, or a change of daycare providers. Stay on an even keel so she doesn't get overloaded.
Of course, some transitions, such as starting school, may be unavoidable. If a change is to occur, make sure it is cast in a positive light and its significance is duly noted, even if your household is in prebaby chaos. The first day of kindergarten is a big deal and should be treated as such.
Some household changes, like moving your child into a big kid bed so the new baby can have her crib, may seem small to you but can make your child uneasy and even resentful. If she has to move into a new room before baby's arrival, give her the chance to help plan and decorate it.
Fetus Rivalry
Even before birth, your unborn child is taking a lot of your time and attention, especially in your other kids' eyes. Turning home life into a baby centric universe in which every discussion involves their sibling's arrival is a surefire way to get your children's guard up and may even make them question their importance in the family. Of course, talking about the baby's arrival is inevitable and healthy — in moderation. Just make sure the discussions don't exclude your other children.
If pregnancy is making you experience symptoms like nausea and vomiting that have you moving slower than usual, your child may blame his sibling-to-be for your condition: “Mom can't go to the beach
”Assure your child that the way you are feeling is normal and is not caused by their unborn sibling directly but just part of pregnancy. You might even relate stories of your pregnancy with him or her if it was also plagued by morning sickness or other discomforts.
What's Happening to Mom?
Young children are clueless about how a baby comes into the world. Stories of baby-dropping birds and kids popping out of cabbage patches can have them thoroughly confused. A good age-appropriate children's book on the subject can help you communicate the mechanics of the miracle of pregnancy and birth if you find yourself at a loss for words. Heidi Murkoff's
When talking with your child about conception, pregnancy, and birth, there are a few issues you need to remember:
Be straightforward. Don't fall back on the stork. Age makes a difference in how much your child wants or needs to know, but when you do answer questions, try to call a penis a penis, not a ding-ding, tinkler, or other adorable euphemism (as tempting as it may be). Giving your child the right words to explain what is happening to your body and his family is a way to empower him and demystify this sometimes-scary process.
Minimize the minutiae. At the same time, don't take your children from fallopian tube through baby's head crowning. Not only will they be bored, but they'll probably tune out shortly after sperm meets egg.
Answer all queries. As pregnancy progresses and becomes more visible and therefore more real to your child, questions may start to form in his mind. How can the baby breathe? How will she come out? What's she doing in there? Open the door for communication and ask your child occasionally whether she is wondering anything about your pregnancy.
Make it relevant. Kids love to hear stories about their own infancy and even fetal life. Pull out the baby book and home movies and explain what life was like when they were the new arrival.
Explain the emotion. Don't forget to let your child know why you've chosen to bring another family member into the fold. Let her be aware of the intense love surrounding the choice to conceive and to bring her a sibling she can love as well.
Once it becomes clear that a new baby is on the way, you could notice some behavior regressions in your younger child. Wanting to use a bottle, having potty training accidents, and engaging in other babyish behavior is her way of saying she still needs you. Don't get angry with your child for slipping back into old habits, but do reinforce positive behaviors and point out the pluses and privileges of acting like a “big kid” (for example, “If you talk like a big kid instead of using baby talk, you can learn how to answer the telephone”).
Needing Reassurance
Even the most well-adjusted, confident kid needs reassurance once in a while that she's still the apple of your eye. Don't let your world revolve around baby preparations so much that it overshadows special time spent with your other children. And make sure you give your children every opportunity to be involved with your family expansion so they feel needed and wanted.
