As maternity leave approaches the end, you might find yourself facing decisions you hadn't anticipated. The thought of leaving baby with a caregiver could be tearing you apart. Conversely, if you've put your career on hold for now to stay home with your child, you may find yourself missing the mental challenges and feelings of self-validation work provides. Changing your mind, either for or against a career outside the home, is not a terrible thing.

If You Decide Not to Return to Work

You had every intention of going back to the office after maternity leave was over, but you never expected to fall so deeply in love not just with your child but with motherhood. Or perhaps the thought of leaving your vulnerable little infant with someone outside his immediate family has you rethinking your options.

Financial concerns are an issue, of course. In many cases the costs of child care and career-related expenses like dry-cleaning bills and transportation costs come close to offsetting the difference between a one- and two-income lifestyle. There may be a middle ground, such as picking up part-time work to cover the spread. Or having dad stay home may be a viable alternative. Sit down and hash out the numbers with your partner. Adaptability and creative thinking can reveal a solution.

Going Back to Work

One of the hardest parts of new parenthood is heading back to the office. Getting up to speed on projects and procedures, handling the deluge from managers and coworkers who were basically lost without you, and fighting to stay off the mommy track — all while worrying about how your child is adapting to her new care arrangements — is a tall order to handle. If you can arrange it, try easing back into employment with a reduced schedule (for example, half days or three days a week) to smooth the transition for you and your child. (Chapter 9 has more information and advice on returning to work as a new mom as well as on breastfeeding basics for the office.)

I want a child-care provider who will teach my child, not just babysit her. How can I find one?

The National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) sets professional standards for early childhood education programs. The NAEYC has an online database of accredited providers and advice on what to look for in a daycare provider at www.naeyc.org.

Your best source of leads for good child care is other moms in your life who share your values and viewpoints on child rearing. You can narrow down your list to facilities that have adequate staffing (for infants, this is generally a minimum of one provider to every three babies), a stimulating and child-friendly environment, and caring and nurturing staff.

Making Time for Yourself and Using It

When your career comes back in the picture, daily life can accelerate to a frenzied pace. Don't just pay lip service to making time for yourself — do it. Even though it can be incredibly tempting to cancel your grown-up plans in favor of lazing around at home or getting some extra household chores done, don't give in to the temptation. You'll find that time alone or with adult company (work doesn't count) is a great recharger. Some tips for following through:

Buy tickets to something. You're less likely to bow out if there's money involved.

Invite a friend. Again, committing to a date and event will make you more likely to follow through.

Pick something with a payoff. A shopping trip to the one place you know they have that hard-to-find Christmas gift you've been searching for can get you up and out.

Schedule a sitter right off the bat. A short respite from child care, particularly if it leaves baby in the hands of a doting relative who would be sorely disappointed if you canceled, is a good incentive to keep your date with yourself.