Sandwich Generation
The sandwich generation is made up of people who are the primary caregiver for their own children and their aging parents. Sandwich-generation caregivers tend to have careers, further complicating the balancing act they are managing.
If you are a member of the sandwich generation, you may find that you spend a lot of your time focusing on the people you are caring for and not yourself. One important key to surviving this kind of situation is to have backup. You must have someone available to care for your child should you need to take a parent to the hospital, and someone must be available to step in and help your parent should your entire household come down with strep throat.
Of people providing care to aging parents, 60 percent are women. It is estimated there are 26 million women in the United States with children under the age of 18 who provide care to aging parents.
Getting and staying organized is another lifesaver. Schedules, calendars, lists, carefully filed information, and general orderliness of the “stuff” around you will help you stay sane, find what you need, and keep things together.
Here are some other tips to help you keep all the balls in the air:
Prioritize. When making a decision about which fire to put out first, always triage. Weigh the needs involved, and deal with those that are most pressing at that moment.
Rely on other people. You can't do all of this alone, and you shouldn't have to. Your siblings and other relatives, or perhaps a visiting nurse, can help with elder care. Your partner, sitter, or older children can help with the baby and the house. Your assistant and coworkers can carry the weight of certain responsibilities at work. If you aren't comfortable delegating, now is the time to learn. It's the best way to get things done.
Set reasonable expectations. As discussed earlier in this chapter, you can't do everything perfectly. There isn't time in the day. You've got to give yourself some slack some of the time.
Get professional advice. You follow your pediatrician's advice for your child, so you should get and follow professional advice when it comes to caring for your parent. A gerontologist is a physician who specializes in treating older patients and can help you arrange care and make decisions.
Remember you have family leave options. Under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) you can take unpaid leave to care for an ill family member, including an aging parent or a child. This type of leave can be very important at crucial points in your life.
If you work less than full-time, you're not alone. An Institute for Women's Policy Research study found that half of working moms work part-time jobs, work part of the year, or work in a part-time job that does not last all year. The average workweek for year-round working moms is thirty-eight hours.
If your parents are aging but do not yet require careful care, you are pre-sandwich generation, and you can probably plan on becoming a true sandwich generation member within a few years. To make things easier should your parents require more care in the future, you should get organized now. Living closer to your parents makes things exponentially easier.
