Finding Time for Your Other Children
If this isn't your first child, you're already well versed in what to expect as a new mom, but you may find adjusting to being a mom of more than one to be a challenge. You have the same number of hours in the day, but you now must divide them among your children. You also have to learn how to deal with siblings. Even if you already have two or more children, adding another one changes the dynamic of the family.
Other Young Children
If you are raising other young children, the demands on your time are very physical. Chasing after a toddler while caring for an infant can be challenging. The hardest part about caring for young children is that they aren't able to understand that you can only do one thing at a time and are not able to be patient. Caring for two little ones means learning to do a lot of things with one hand. Wearing your baby in a sling can be a good solution a lot of the time. A double stroller is another good answer, since it allows you to become mobile. You also can multitask during feedings; read a book, do a puzzle, color, or do another quiet, stationary activity with your older child while you are feeding the baby.
If you're finding it difficult to adjust to being a mother and find that sometimes it simply seems too difficult of a life change, you're not alone. A 2003 study conducted in Australia found that first-time mothers who were over age 35 reported that adjusting to motherhood was extremely challenging.
Young children are often jealous of the very close physical contact you share with the baby. They may want to try to nurse or push the baby out of the way. Using feeding time as cuddle time for all of you is an effective solution, and young children are so active it's unlikely they'll stay put through an entire feeding.
Older Children
If you have a family that includes children who are older and have now added an infant to the family, the logistics of mothering can be hard at times. For example, you need to nurse, but your older child needs to be driven to soccer practice. Or your baby needs to nap, but your child has friends over and they are keeping the baby awake. These and other scenarios can truly put a mother to the test.
Half of U.S. presidents were firstborn children. Many newscasters and talk-shows hosts are firstborns as well.
The best way to approach a family of diversely aged children is to help everyone understand that needs must be balanced. Nobody gets what he wants all the time, and compromise is necessary. Older children are often enamored with a baby for longer than younger children. Your older child may be more understanding about the seemingly unreasonable demands a baby makes on you and on the family, but it does help to explain to the older kids that the baby doesn't mean to be demanding and annoying.
Older children can be a definite blessing because they can help you in significant ways. For example, an eight-year-old could be trusted to stay in the family room and watch the baby for a few minutes while you go to the bathroom, can answer the phone while you're feeding the baby, or can hold the baby for a few minutes while you pay for groceries.
As you already know, your older children need you in a different way than younger children do. Older kids need your mental and emotional attention more than your physical hands-on attention. The key to offering this kind of attention is affirming their needs — you know that they need to talk to you, need help with homework, or need you to help fix their hair — and pinpointing when you will be able to do that. If you're walking a screaming baby, you cannot give your older children your undivided attention. Ask them to be patient with you and the baby, and let them know that as soon as you physically can, you will turn your attention to their needs. The good thing about older children is that a little bit of attention can go a long way, so be sure to offer quality attention when you are truly focusing.
Stepchildren
If your partner has children from a previous relationship, you may wonder how bringing your own baby into the mix will work out. Your new baby is the product of both families and is in a way a unifying factor — although your stepchildren definitely may not see the baby that way! Before the baby is born, reassure your stepchildren, just as you would children of your own, that the baby will not take away their role or importance in the family. Stress how much it means to you that the baby will belong to all of you and will be related to all of you.
Fifty percent of U.S. families are stepfamilies, according to the Stepfamily Foundation, and in fact the U.S. Census predicted there will soon be more stepfamilies than traditional two-parent families.
Don't be surprised if your stepchildren, just like biological children, at first resent the baby or are slow to warm up to him. It takes time to build a relationship, and it takes time to build trust in a family's love. Encourage your stepchildren to help care for the baby. Stress how grateful you are for their help, and point out how much the baby enjoys their company.
If your stepchildren do not live with you, they may be angry or jealous that this new child gets to live with their father all the time, whereas they are only able to visit. Help them know that your home is their home just as much as it is the baby's home.
