Until children develop the habit of using the potty, it is parents who reap the rewards. Children lose the one-on-one time they spent being changed. They trade the carefree days of diapers for having to monitor the state of their bladder at every moment. They have to drop what they're doing and run to the potty all day long. Small presents, hugs, and affection can focus your child's attention on a task he could care less about, thus helping to keep his motivation high enough for long enough so that the potty-going habit can be established. Rewards can also keep the tone of potty training positive and upbeat.

Sweet Rewards

Candy is not the sort of reward health-conscious parents want to give, but it may be a great way to motivate your child. If stickers and small toys don't work or are too expensive, try for something like a raisin, fish cracker, or tidbit of whole grain cereal before moving to an M&M or tidbit of sugary cereal. Dole one out each time your child uses the potty or completes a specific task that is giving him problems, such as going to the potty without a prompt or reminder, wiping himself after bowel movements, keeping urine in the potty, wiping splashes from the sink after hand washing, or flushing the toilet.

If your child has really big problems with one particular task, provide a more enticing reward to help him focus on the area he finds difficult and to motivate him to struggle on. For instance, if he sometimes gets himself to the potty to urinate but never for a B.M., give one piece for the former and buy him a Porsche for the latter. Well, maybe just a replica. Be sure to supply other caregivers with a stock of rewards, coordinate so you're on the same page, keep each other informed of progress and problems, and discuss changes in advance.

Consistency

Too many changes in reward systems can confuse kiddies, so try to think things through in advance. Clearly communicate what your child must do to earn a reward, and exactly what the reward will be. Consider carefully exactly what will count as a success. Sitting still for three minutes? Going to the potty with or without a reminder? Urinating in the potty? Or will he be rewarded for every hour that he keeps his diapers dry? If so, that could add up to a lot of M&Ms! Yet rewarding children for staying clean and dry is definitely an excellent idea.

It's okay to gradually increase the requirements for earning a reward since toddlers can generally comprehend them. For instance, after he is urinating and having B.M.s in the potty without a problem, the next step is teaching responsibility, so you might require him to complete all toileting tasks to receive a reward: empty the potty bowl, flush the toilet, dispose of toilet paper scraps, wipe up splashes, wash and dry hands, etc.

Reward programs bog down when the rules keep changing or are overly complicated: No more candy for urinating in the potty, only a sticker; candy is only for a B.M. but you can have two pieces instead of one and if you sit still you get a penny. Don't focus on more than two issues at a time, and even that may be too much. Test your child's understanding: “What do you get for urinating in the potty?” and “What do you get for sitting on the potty when a B.M. is coming?” If he can't answer, your reward system won't mean anything to him.

For starters, keep the bag of M&Ms (or whatever) close to the potty but out of reach, accompany your child to the bathroom, and give food rewards by popping them right into his mouth and letting him know what he did right. Otherwise, hand him his food reward when he has finished wiping and flushing and, most importantly, washing his hands. He should never touch food after using the bathroom until his hands are washed.

Gradually separate the candy from the praise by confining yourself to saying what he did right as you give him the reward. Choose other times to mention how pleased you are with the way he's been handling the potty. A good time to make a positive comment might be when you think that he needs to use the potty but isn't moving in that direction: “You've been so good about going to the potty! You haven't had an accident all day.” If he doesn't respond to your prompt, let the accident happen. He won't learn to take responsibility if you take it for him! Afterward, let him help clean up while you figure out where to get the money for new carpeting when he is finally trained.

Taking More Responsibility

Let your child gradually take more responsibility by giving less direction and fewer prompts as to what to do next. Instead of standing over him to tell him what to do next in the bathroom, wait until he considers himself finished, then tell him what still needs to be done. After he empties the potty bowl, flushes the toilet, and wipes up splashes from the floor, have him rewash his hands before giving the reward.

Phasing Out Rewards

While parents are usually careful to praise and reward first potty successes, enthusiasm typically wanes long before children achieve that all-important goal of going to the potty each and every time they need to. Parents tire of having to drop what they are doing to “watch me go!” or “see what I did!” They make excuses so as not to have to participate and become lack-adaisical as they distractedly mutter, “That's great.” Soon their own disinterest is reflected in their child's waning attention to remaining accident-free. He's as enthusiastic about going to the potty as the parent is about helping him.

The solution is to remain involved as long as your child needs encouragement to keep going, then phase out your involvement gradually, but only after he is fully trained.

• Stay with him in the bathroom the whole time and give him a reward.

• Help him get started in the bathroom, leave, go back in, give him a reward.

• Tell him to go on ahead, join him in the bathroom a minute later, give him a reward.

• Tell him to call you when he's finished in the bathroom, join him there, do a bathroom inspection, check his hands, and give him a reward.

• Tell him to come find you when he's finished in the bathroom, check his hands, then give him a reward.

When your child uses the potty regularly for a week without prompts or reminders, move the rewards to the kitchen. Have him go to the potty by himself and come to you afterward to collect. Check his hands. If they're not clean, send him back. Check them again when he returns, then give him his due.

The first time your child forgets to come ask for his reward, you'll know he's nearing the finish line. Most children then forget with increasing frequency. You can “help” by conversing on another subject after she emerges from the bathroom but before she asks for her reward. But if she does ask for it, give it immediately! A deal's a deal!

Try offering a choice in hopes of being able to provide rewards you feel better about giving: An M&M or a sticker? An M&M or a story? An M&M or a trip to the park? An M&M or a trip to the store after lunch to buy new underwear? An M&M or a ride on the mechanical horse at the grocery store after dinner? An M&M or a chance to fingerpaint later in the day? To earn a delayed reward, add that she must not wet or soil beforehand or the deal is off.

M&Ms Forever

When it comes to potty training, parents tend to imagine the worst, fearing they'll be doling out M&Ms and stickers forever. It just doesn't work out that way. Nevertheless, if your child has been fully trained for quite some time but isn't about to forget to collect his piece of candy after every success, it's time for the healthy teeth cure: Since candy is bad for his teeth he must brush every time after eating his M&M. If he's willing to brush after each sweet reward, so be it. Don't expect a toddler to do a good job of brushing, but do expect him to put forth a real effort. With practice he'll improve.

Finally, cut out other desserts, snacks, and sodas to balance out his diet. Then forget the whole thing. A small daily dose of M&Ms is a bargain if it buys a potty trained child who brushes his teeth six or seven times a day!