Use a potty chair rather than a potty seat. Tell your toddler that it is his, and set it in the play area so he can get used to it. Be sure that your child's bottom is covered the first few times he sits on it — the cold plastic can be so off-putting that some youngsters determine to make that first unpleasant surprise their last.

If your child wants to sit on it bare-bottomed right away, suggest he touch the seat with his hands to test the temperature. If he thinks it is cold, the two of you can warm it with your hands for a minute first. First impressions are especially important for very timid, sensitive toddlers. Do what you can to make them good ones.

Keep the potty chair in the living room or your child's bedroom until he is comfortable with it, then start storing it in the bathroom. He can still take it out to play with it.

Demonstrating

During the first potty practice sessions, have your child accompany you to the bathroom while you use the toilet. It helps to pull down your underwear and actually use it, but if you are too uncomfortable, at least lift the lid and pretend. If your child senses your discomfort, he may conclude something scary is about to happen and feel afraid. Calmly explain, “Mommy is sitting on her big toilet. The potty is your little toilet.”

It's fine if he wants to sit on his potty, but wait a few days until the novelty of being with you in the bathroom has worn off before suggesting it. If he sits on it with his clothes on, just say, “You're sitting on your little potty. Are you going to urinate or have a B.M.?” If he pretends to use it standing up “like Dad,” explain that little boys have to sit down until they learn how. Nevertheless, don't squelch his desire to experiment. Let him take his time and get comfortable with the situation.

If Your Child Isn't Interested

If your child isn't interested in sitting on the potty after she has accompanied you to the bathroom several times, suggest that her doll or stuffed animal might want to go potty. Take a book or magazine with you and spend a few minutes reading and suggest she do the same. Stay relaxed so she can see that bathrooms and potties are nothing to be worried about. Spend a few minutes in the bathroom each day for a week before suggesting she sit on the potty bare-bottomed. Tell her to touch the potty seat first to make sure it isn't cold. Use your hands to warm the seat, and suggest she help you. Plan to move very slowly. In the end, you'll be glad you did!

If your child's reluctance to sit on the potty continues, she may have already absorbed some negative feelings about passing waste, be worried about what is expected of her, or be especially active and/or immature. Try taking the potty to the living room for potty practice. Have her sit on it fully clothed while you read her a story so she can start getting used to sitting on it. Push it up to the coffee table and let her sit on it to eat a picnic lunch in the living room. See if she wants to sit on it bare-bottomed while you read a story.

Teaching about Bowel Movements

If the idea of using the bathroom with your child present makes you too uncomfortable, invite him in afterward to give this lesson during a potty practice session. Point to your B.M. in the toilet and explain that it is “Mommy's B.M.” or whatever word he is to use. After he is tired of looking at it, encourage him to wave and tell it “bye-bye” as you flush. Tell him that your body makes a B.M. every day and that you will show him again tomorrow. Encourage him to sit on his potty to see if he can make a B.M., too. If he brings up the subject of “Mommy's B.M.” later in the day, keep a stiff upper lip even if it embarrasses you. Repeat the same procedure during a potty practice every day for about a week.

Meanwhile, whenever you notice that your child is having a B.M., bring it to his attention. As soon as he is finished, take him to the bathroom to remove his soiled diapers. Scrape the contents into the toilet while he watches, saying, “I'm putting your B.M. in the toilet just like Mommy's.” When he is tired of looking at it, see if he wants to flush. Wave bye-bye together and explain that flushing is so “our B.M.s can be together.” Tell him you'll put your B.M.s in the toilet again as soon as your body makes more, and that you'll put his B.M.s in the toilet again as soon as his body makes more. If he doesn't want to wave good-bye or looks even a little bit concerned, wait to flush until he leaves the room. Do this for about a week. The point is to try to stave off the intense “separation anxiety” so many toddlers develop. Many youngsters become so upset about their bowel movements being disposed of, they refuse to have a B.M. in the potty.

Teaching about Urination

Let your child accompany you to the bathroom for potty practice several days in a row and have her listen for when “Mommy is putting her urine in the toilet,” or watch Daddy putting his in. Explain, “I am making urine now,” in case she doesn't notice the sound. Tell her, “You put your urine in your diaper. Soon you will put it in the potty like me.” Repeat the lesson whenever you discover a wet diaper. Be enthusiastic as you say, “They're wet because you put your urine in your diaper. Where does Mommy put hers? Yes! In her big potty! Where will you put yours someday? Yes! In your little potty,” or some such. The goal is to help her to understand the basics of urination, that big people use the toilet, and that some day she will use it, too.

Feed water to a doll that wets and hold it over the toilet so your child can watch it urinate “in Mommy's potty.” Give the doll another bottle and have her hold the doll over the potty, or hold it for her. Then make a tissue-paper diaper and put it on the doll with tape. Feed it another bottle, make it wet, and have your child feel its diaper as you explain, “It went pee-pee in its diaper.” Later, when your child is drinking liquid, tell her that she will urinate soon. Just like the doll, she will wet her diaper. Explain that someday she will put her urine in her little potty like Mommy puts hers in her big potty.

Ask Your Child to Notify You

When your child is drinking, remind her about the doll that wet. Tell her that because she is drinking, she will soon wet her diaper. Ask her to tell you when that happens. From time to time ask, “Did the urine come yet?” If she says it did, check her diaper. If she correctly notified you, exclaim, “Yes! Your urine came! You put it in your diaper!” Be very happy indeed, if she can actually tell when she is urinating. If she was wrong, consider that disposable diapers may mask the sensations to the point that she can't tell what's going on. Switch to cloth diapers, which are less absorbent.

Ask your child often to tell you when her urine is coming, but if she doesn't like to have her diaper changed, postpone changing her. You want her to notice when “the urine is coming,” not ignore it because she doesn't like being changed. If she tells you it is coming and her diaper is dry, say, “No, not yet. But soon it will come.”