When your child doesn't object to sitting on the potty without a diaper, begin generating excitement for the big event. Announce that he will wear pull-ups and learn to use the potty just like Mommy/Daddy/big brother/big sister and all the big kids at day care. Choose a time when he is in a good mood, rested, and healthy.

Take him to the bathroom shortly before you expect him to have a bowel movement and close the door. Put a small piece of toilet paper in the potty so that if he urinates just a tiny bit, you will be able to tell by looking at the paper and can congratulate him. Show him how to pull his pants and pull-ups down to his ankles, bending at the knees so he doesn't fall. Have him sit all the way back on the potty chair with the legs slightly spread so you can see and point out what is happening if he begins urinating.

If He Wants to Stand

If he wants to use the potty standing up, explain that big boys and Daddies sit to have B.M.s and stand up to urinate, and that he can stand, too, after he learns to use it sitting down. Don't press him, though. He is likely to be more excited than usual, which may make sitting extra hard. Encourage him to focus on his physical sensations by telling him to let you know when he feels like his urine or B.M. is wanting to come out. Children also urinate when they have bowel movements, so tell him to sit down on the potty fast and hold his penis down if a bowel movement starts. However, moving too fast could cause him to bump a splash guard, which hurts. Remove it to guard against a painful accident.

Helping Your Child

Show him how to “try” by grunting and acting as if you're straining to have a bowel movement. However, many toddlers tense their sphincter muscles in the process, so “trying” may not work. Run some water in the sink or dip his hands in a bowl of tepid water. It may be an old wives' tale, but lots of old wives say it stimulates urination! Teach him to relax by closing your eyes, taking slow, deep breaths, and telling him to do the same. If he wanders, tell him to stay near the potty so he can sit down when he needs to use it. Don't press him to remain seated — he may be too tense to relieve himself anyway.

Gotta Go!

If your child shows signs that a bowel movement is starting or if he begins urinating, guide him to the potty and encourage him to sit down. If he gets upset, back off and let the accident happen. He will need to get comfortable more gradually. If he does use the potty, be enthusiastic so he can appreciate that he has done something important.

Show him how much toilet paper to use and how to tear it off. Help him wipe, empty the potty bowl, flush, rinse the bowl, put it back in the potty chair, and wash his hands. Even if he only urinated, let him use toilet paper. Toddlers find these after-potty tasks the best rewards of all. Don't view them as chores and your child won't, either.

Recognizing the Sensations

If your child begins urinating during potty practice and doesn't even notice, dig in for a long haul. He may need a lot of help from you to recognize the sensations. Calmly point out what is happening. Plan to take him outside on a warm day or spend a morning in the kitchen with him bare-bottomed so he can observe himself in the act of urinating. Switch to cloth diapers. Disposables may have kept him from noticing when he passes waste.

First “Success”

If your child begins eliminating unexpectedly when he isn't sitting on the potty, tell him to try to stop. Few toddlers know how to stop once they've started, but at least he'll know it's possible, and it's important to start teaching the lesson that he should go to the potty whenever he is passing waste. If he does stop, say, “Good boy!” and guide him to the potty fast.

Have an extra bowl within easy reach so that if he has the usual toddler reaction of standing still and watching himself urinate, you can try to catch some urine in the extra bowl and pour it into his potty bowl to show him where it's supposed to go. If you can't catch any in a bowl, get a very wet sponge or soaking wet washcloth when he finishes urinating, wipe up some urine with the sponge, and show him how to squeeze some into his potty. Be enthusiastic as you say something like, “Your urine came out and you put it in the potty where it belongs!” When he is through admiring it, help him pour it into the toilet “so it can go bye-bye with Mama's urine.” Invite him to flush, but if he doesn't respond, flush after he has left the room. The violence of the swirling water upsets many children.

He's Learning!

Your child has now been through the entire process and should have a better idea as to what's involved even if he didn't have a bowel movement and didn't make it to the potty when he urinated. Hold practice sessions regularly, about once every two hours, and try to have him sit on the potty for five minutes each time.

When he notifies you that he needs to use the potty or starts taking himself, you may not need to hold regular practice sessions unless he gets distracted and doesn't go when there are more fun things to do. Help him share the good news that he's starting to learn to use the potty with a friend or family member. He's earned his bragging rights!

If Nothing Happens

If your child doesn't urinate or have a bowel movement during his first potty practice session, he either didn't need to use it or was too tense to release waste. Begin holding regular potty practice sessions timed to coincide with when you expect he might need to go, and have him spend three to five minutes practicing relaxing.

If he protests strongly about having to stay in the bathroom, remain calm and let the tantrum run its course — which may mean you end up in the bathroom for a very long time. Don't have a tantrum, too, by yelling or getting upset. Don't let him leave the bathroom until he is completely calm (unless you're losing it and need a break). Try to end each upsetting session on a positive note: “This was hard, but you calmed down!” After a tantrum, give him the rest of the day to recover before having another practice. After two or three tantrums to learn that noisy upset won't end a potty practice session, things get easier.

Even if your timing is good and your child remains seated on the potty during the practices, he may still be too tense to eliminate. Don't be surprised if he soils or wets as soon as he stands up or shortly after the practice session ends and his diaper is back on. This is normal. The sphincter won't open until he relaxes. Tell him he can try again later, clean him up, wait about two hours, and hold another potty practice. Until he can comfortably remain seated for five minutes, devote the sessions to helping him relax.

If she uses the potty, have her empty and rinse the potty bowl and wash her hands. If she has an accident shortly before a practice session, hold it anyway if you think she would benefit from practicing sitting on the potty and relaxing.

Relaxation Training

Whenever your child has a potty practice session, tell her that she must relax before she can use the potty. Keep your focus positive by noting anything she does right as she works on relaxing: “Your arms are resting now. That's a good way to relax,” or “You're sitting nicely.” If she swings her legs, wait until she stops swinging them and then tell her that you're glad she's holding them still. Show her how to relax while sitting on the potty by closing your eyes and breathing deeply as you sit on the toilet.

Put your arm on her fidgety hands to show her how to hold still, and say, “Yes! That's the way to sit still.” It may be tempting to strap your little busy bee to the potty chair to keep her there, but that is abusive! Keeping her in wet or soiled pants as punishment teaches nothing and is abusive, too.

Help her relax by making the time pleasant, too. Sit next to her on the floor while she sits on the potty and read her a book, sing a song together, or recite nursery rhymes. Avoid rowdy play. Eventually you want her to sit by herself without needing to be entertained, but distracting her at the outset by making the time pleasant will help her relax. Children have a hard time relaxing and sitting still if they have a lot of pent-up energy. Provide time for active play before each potty practice session.

Clothing

It's generally too messy to let children wear underpants until they use the potty at least half of the time, but the problem with diapers is that children can't get them off easily to use the potty by themselves. By having your child put on her pull-ups or underpants for each potty practice, she can practice pulling them down before sitting on the potty and pulling them back up at the end of the session. You can put her diaper back on before sending her off to play. However, some toddlers can more easily remember to go to the potty when wearing cloth pull-ups or underpants because they are so aware of being in big-girl clothes. By wearing cloth they can immediately tell when they've had an accident, so after an accident or two many children learn to get themselves to the potty in time. It's worth a try. If your child is having too many accidents to make it practical for her to wear underpants outside of potty practice sessions, you can solve the problem by putting her in diapers or putting a waterproof cover over underpants. A compromise for a child who insists on wearing underpants is to let her wear them as long as she keeps them clean and dry. Put her in diapers after each accident, then reward her for using the potty by letting her change into underpants afterward.

Small Rewards

Small rewards help motivate children to remain seated — provided that the rewards are easy for them to earn. Set up your youngster to succeed, never to fail. Give a sticker for staying seated for just one or two minutes at first, and slowly work up to five minutes. Only reward real successes — don't break down and give her a reward because she's sad — but the accomplishments can be very small ones.

Track Progress

Once your child can relax on the potty, he should be able to have bowel movements during potty practice if your timing is right. With more frequent practices timed to his patterns of urinating, he should be able to make rapid progress. Track his progress on a calendar by noting the times he uses the potty and have him affix a sticker to the calendar as a reward. You might provide a very special sticker each time he goes to the potty outside of a scheduled session, too. Write down the time of each accident so you can keep track and do a better job of timing his practice sessions.