Americans from past generations, as well as parents in most other countries, are horrified to think of waiting so long to start potty training. One of the hardest things for parents to tolerate is criticism, and waiting until your child is three and proceeding so very slowly is apt to raise a few eyebrows.

What can you say when a friend or relative suggests that something must be terribly wrong for your preschooler not to be potty trained? Sometimes, a humorous response can relieve tensions. “Well, Dad, you might say that she's a little stinker in more ways than one!” Or, “The experts say to wait until children give the signal. If he doesn't give it before he's eighteen, I'm going to get firm no matter what the doctors say.” Or, “I thought you'd never offer! I'd be glad to let her spend days with you until you've trained her. I'll take her back when you're done.”

Otherwise, honesty is the way to go. Consider these options:

• “Many modern experts recommend waiting until closer to age three, and I think they're right.”

• “Between the weekend visits with her father and having to share me with the new baby, she's got enough to deal with. I don't want to add more stress to her life right now.”

• “He's such a high-strung child, I've decided to wait so he'll have age and maturity on his side.”

• “She's in day care during the week, so I have to use a method that doesn't require such intense parental and caregiver involvement. It takes a lot longer when there's less consistency.”

• “Studies show it doesn't actually much matter when potty training starts. Children continue to have accidents until about age three anyway. There's not much point to hurrying.”

As with many other aspects of parenting, potty training is a topic that always draws suggestions, opinions, and sometimes outright criticism from others. If you begin to doubt your decisions and methods, talk to your pediatrician and discuss your situation with friends and relatives.