Big Kid Delights and Dilemmas
Some characteristics typical of three-year-olds can make them easier to potty train than younger children. Older toddlers tend to be less active than they were during the highly energetic two-year-old stage; they are also generally less oppositional and have less dramatic mood swings. They may more readily recognize physical sensations of fullness. They urinate less frequently because their bladders are larger, and they may be more able to delay the start of bowel movements. Certainly their more advanced language skills make it easier for you to communicate with them.
ALERT!
The biggest problem with potty training older children is parental impatience. Adults can appreciate a younger child's small accomplishments but expect far more of older toddlers. After a couple of successes, parents' commitment to letting their child proceed at her own rate, as this method requires, may weaken. Be patient!
Some three-year-olds learn to use the potty with so little help, it is as if they taught themselves overnight. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees. Although an older child can understand more readily that waste comes from his body, learning to recognize the sensations of needing to eliminate in advance and learning how to relax the sphincter may still take some time. Many older children are more compliant than they would have been during the difficult two-year-old stage, but some are more oppositional. They may not think it is worth the trouble to leave enjoyable activities to use the potty. Despite older toddlers' sometimes noisy protests about having to be changed, diaper changes can be a comforting ritual they do not want to give up.
FACT
Severe conflicts about using the potty can cause children to block out their physical sensations so they can't tell when they need to use it. What may seem like purposeful wetting or soiling to you may really be accidents. Do not jump to the conclusion that your child is defying you.
Too many mentions of potties, questions about needing to use the potty, and warnings about impending accidents can make children feel that they are being pressured, which can trigger fears of failing, of disappointing their parents, or of making their parents angry. If parents can use extreme tact, they can occasionally mention that they will help if their child ever wants to learn to use the potty. They can invite her to sit on it to hear a story. They may express a desire for her to learn to use it someday. They can communicate pleasure when their child does express an interest in using it. Otherwise, parents should let their child's natural interest in learning determine when and how quickly she proceeds, and hold any dissatisfaction with the child's progress in check. If parents decide to change to an approach in which they make some demands, they need to communicate their intentions clearly. In the meantime, the challenge is to trust the process instead of trying to hurry it along.
