If your baby isn't going to be released from the hospital on the same day as you, the reason is probably that your baby is premature or sick. A range of feelings can be normal if your baby is sick or premature — sadness, fear, anxiety, guilt, and even disconnection. You'll probably be anxious about your baby's health and, if you had a difficult birth, may be grieving over that experience as well.

If your baby has to stay in the hospital for a while, ask how you can stay close to your baby while she's there. Many NICUs have a place for moms and dads to sit with the baby, and your hospital may offer a “hospitality” room with a bed for you, and maybe your spouse or partner, to sleep in at night.

You Are the Mother

Moms with sick or premature babies often find themselves in a strange position — they've given birth, but somebody else is caring for the baby most of the time. Not only is the stress of having a sick or very small infant difficult to deal with while you're recovering from birth, but you may have felt disconnected from your baby for hours or even days after your birth if you weren't able to visit her. When you do visit, it may feel unreal that this baby was ever inside your body, and you may be afraid to touch her.

Though nurses will probably do the majority of your baby's care at first, it's important that you do as much of her care as you're able to. Remember, while the nurses are extremely knowledgeable about caring for babies, this is your baby, and you matter to him. Instead of being intimidated and thinking of your nurse as an authority figure, think of you and your nurse as partners in helping your baby get big enough or well enough to go home with you. Ask any questions that come up, and if you need help with breastfeeding or some other aspect of baby care, ask your nurse to help you.

Going Home Without Your Baby

If your baby is in the NICU for a significant length of time after birth, you will probably be discharged before he is. It can feel very strange to go home after giving birth without a baby, almost like you never gave birth at all. Some women say that leaving their babies in the hospital while they go home is the hardest thing they've ever done, while others are surprised by how free they feel to come and go when they are “supposed” to have a baby to care for, and how they may feel guilty about that.

Many hospitals allow parents to visit their babies in the NICU whenever they want, except for during shift changes a few times a day. But an NICU is not the best place to get a good night's sleep, and you will need rest. Some hospitals will allow visiting moms to borrow a bed if there is room, and, as mentioned previously, others have special units set up for visiting parents. If your hospital doesn't provide beds for overnight visits from parents and you live too far away from the hospital to make the drive every day, you can find out whether there is a hospitality house or other accommodations for out-of-town guests.

Your Physical Recovery

Even though you'll probably be doing a lot of traveling back and forth from the hospital — and worrying about your baby — it is extremely important that you still care for yourself well as you're recovering from birth. Eat nutritious foods. Let your partner sit with the baby while you take a nap. Try to find some way to relax every day, since stress can make postpartum recovery more difficult.

Breastfeeding

Start pumping your breasts soon after birth and continue every few hours until your baby is able to nurse — that way, you'll be contributing in a very real and important way to your baby's care by giving him something no one else can, you'll relieve engorgement, and you'll also experience the health benefits of oxytocin. Many mothers say that when their baby was in the NICU, being cared for by doctors and nurses and surrounded by machines, pumping breastmilk was the one thing that helped them feel like their baby's mother. You can get a prescription for a breast pump from your care provider so that insurance will cover it. Get a hospital-grade electric double pump — don't skimp.

Get Help

A baby in the hospital will often mobilize friends, family, and members of your church or other organization to pitch in. Accept any help you're offered. A prayer chain; help with meals, laundry, and care of older children; and emotional support are all ways your support system can help you get through this stressful time.

Coming Home

The news that your baby is ready to leave the hospital might bring out some conflicting emotions — you'll be excited and relieved that you can finally bring him home, but also afraid that you won't know how to take care of him.

Most likely, the nurses will want to watch you with the baby to make sure you know how to care for any special needs he may have, as well as typical baby-care tasks like diapering and feeding him. Many mothers feel that they're parenting in a fishbowl, waiting for the NICU nurses to deem them worthy of the baby, but your confidence will grow with each diaper you change.

When you get home, you may find yourself ridden with anxiety about how to properly care for your baby. You may also experience a delayed reaction of mourning over the birth and new-baby experience you lost out on. This is normal. Finding a group for mothers of sick or premature babies in your area will allow you to find compassionate ears and support as you work through the feelings surrounding your baby's birth and hospitalization.

Now that your baby is home, you may feel compelled to make up for lost time by being an attentive mother 24-7. But don't neglect your own care in the process. Make sure you are eating well, showering and getting dressed daily, getting some sun and fresh air every day, and setting aside little pockets of time to yourself to recharge your batteries. Moms who've gone through the stressful experience of having a sick or premature baby are especially at risk for postpartum depression, so it's crucial that your emotional and physical needs are met during this time. Also, don't forget to communicate regularly with your partner about your feelings. You've both been through a stressful situation, and you need to keep talking to one another to keep your relationship strong.