When Your Partner Returns to Work
At some point during this time, your partner or husband will probably go back to work, and you'll be left alone at home with the baby for a large part of the day. It can be difficult to make this transition, especially if you have older children in the house, aren't quite feeling up to caring for the baby by yourself, or are craving social connections but all your friends are at work during the day.
Remember to Care for Yourself
“I don't even have time to take a shower!” — it's a common refrain among new moms. But it's important to remember that you can't take good care of your baby unless you're caring for yourself, too. It is important to be flexible with your standards instead of simply sticking to your old schedule, but don't neglect those things that help you feel like a fully functional human being. Make a short list of the things you feel like you absolutely must do every day to help you feel like yourself. Reading the paper? Listening to music? Those things can be incorporated into life with a new baby.
For many women, that all-important daily shower is their personal normalcy benchmark: Get one, and life seems manageable; miss it, and everything feels “off.” Here are some creative ways to get in a shower if you don't have a spouse or partner around to hold your baby:
Set up a bouncy seat or Moses basket for your baby on the bathroom floor. Many babies are comforted by the background noise of the shower and bathroom fan, perhaps long enough to get you a nice shower.
Take your baby into the shower with you. There are mesh shower slings, made for just this purpose.
Try taking your baby into the bathroom in just her diaper, and starting your shower alone. Wash your hair first. Then, if the baby starts to lose it and you aren't quite done yet, you can quickly strip her naked, pop her into a mesh sling, and finish the shower that way, or let the tub fill and relax in the bath together. If you do this, have a towel on the floor next to the bathtub — then you can wrap her up in it and lay her next to the tub while you get out safely yourself.
Caring for Your Appearance
It's important that you stick to some kind of personal-care routine during this time. It doesn't have to mean putting on a full face of makeup or getting dressed in a business suit, but brushing your hair and teeth and staying clean is an essential way to keep your sense of well-being intact.
Even if you're just putting on a new pair of pajamas, sweats, or yoga pants, changing into fresh, clean clothes when you get up in the morning is one of those reminders that your day has begun and you're a part of it.
Keep your wardrobe simple and comfortable during this time. Choose clothes that are breathable, loose enough not to bind your stomach or breasts, and easy to nurse in. For more tips on choosing a postpartum wardrobe, see Chapter 14.
Older Children
If you have other children, you may find yourself torn between meeting the many needs of your new baby and giving your older kids attention and love, too. An older child may feel jealous of the new baby, too, which may make him clingier — and you may wonder if you'll ever be able to handle caring for them both! Here are a few ways you can help your older child feel special and included while keeping your sanity intact:
Present your older child with a “big brother” or “big sister” gift after your baby is born.
Ask grandparents, aunts, uncles, or friends to call and ask specifically to talk with your older child. Remind them to talk to the child as an individual, not just as the baby's big brother or sister.
Try to make nursing sessions special for your older child, too. With some practice, you can juggle nursing with reading a book or snuggling an older child on the couch. When you're still getting the hang of nursing and need both hands, you can listen to stories on tape, make up a story, or tell one from memory — or ask your older child to tell
Try to involve your older children in your baby's care. Even toddlers can “help” with diaper or clothing changes or apply lotion to your baby's legs (though it's probably a good idea to keep little fingers away from the baby's eyes).
Your partner can take your older children along on errands for some one-on-one daddy time.
As your baby gets older and you feel up to it, you'll be able to spend more one-on-one time with older children, too. In the meantime, don't worry too much that your older child will be neglected — just try to spend some time cuddling and talking every day, and remember that the newborn period will go by quickly for all of you. Also, see Chapter 1 for ways to make sure you are getting enough help with your older children.
Remember to Eat
It's easy to drop meals in these early weeks. You may not feel as ravenously hungry as you did while pregnant, and between marathon nursing sessions, dirty diapers, rocking, and just staring at your baby, you may look at the clock and realize it's noon — and you haven't had lunch or breakfast yet. But forgetting to eat is not a good way to lose the baby weight!
Here are some ways to make it easy to get enough calories and nutrition while caring for a baby:
Stock your fridge with healthy snacks. Yogurt cups, cut-up cheese and vegetables, fruit, hard-boiled eggs, and pita and hummus are examples of low-fuss, low-prep foods you can easily grab and eat with one hand.
Set an alarm to go off every three hours. This can help you remember that it's time to make your way to the kitchen for a little something, and will help prevent you from getting too hungry or experiencing a crash in blood sugar.
Keep nonperishable snacks and a bottle of water in your nursing station. Whole-wheat crackers and peanut butter, low-sugar granola bars, and protein bars can give you a little boost when you can't get to the kitchen for something more substantial.
Keep taking your prenatal vitamin, or take a good multivitamin daily while breastfeeding. Not all vitamins and supplements are created equal. If you're nursing, make sure you know that anything you're taking is safe for your baby. And if you're taking more than one supplement, add up the amounts of each nutrient you're getting to make sure you aren't getting too much. It's relatively easy to overdose on certain nutrients, like iron and vitamin A.
You need to consume an extra 200 to 500 calories a day while breastfeeding. If you lose more than 1 to 2 pounds per week, it can have a negative impact on your health and, if you're breastfeeding, can release toxins into your milk. Plus, you need adequate nutrition to keep up your energy levels. For more information on your nutritional needs in the postpartum months, see Chapter 13.
Fighting the Urge to Do Too Much
After a few weeks of being home with your baby, you may start to feel dissatisfied with the way your house is beginning to look now that the care and cleaning of your baby, not your stuff, has taken center stage. During the first week postpartum, you should remain “down” as much as you can — no housework, very little climbing stairs, and no lifting.
From week two on, you can start to slowly add little tasks back into your routine, but “slowly” is the important word here. You shouldn't be lugging baskets of laundry up and down the stairs or mopping the floors in the six weeks postpartum! Compromising your health isn't the only reason it's best not to do too much. You'll be shocked by how much and how quickly your baby changes during this time. You can always get your house clean again, but you'll never get back these early weeks with your baby.
Essential
Speak frankly with your husband or partner about what you need from him now that you've added a baby to the family. Many men don't respond well to hints, so give him specifics: “Honey, while I'm recovering, I can't wash the dishes or do laundry, so I'll need you to take over those tasks every day for the next six weeks.”
If you have always been house proud, now is the time to relax your standards. Your visitors are coming to see you and your new baby, not your carpet and throw pillows. Ask company to help by loading the dishwasher or putting in a load of laundry during their visit. Most people are eager to help new mothers if you just tell them what you need.
If you've always been the person in your family who does all the housework, then the balance is probably going to have to shift a little — or a lot — now. The demands of caring for an infant may require you and your husband or partner to work out a more equitable way of dividing up household chores.
Rest — Even If You Don't Think You Need To
Even if you feel like you're getting plenty of sleep, you can always use more. If you're tired, it can make it much more difficult to recover well, can increase the chances that you'll develop postpartum depression, and can make it difficult for you to enjoy your baby and adjust physically and emotionally to motherhood. Even if you're feeling okay right now while skimping on sleep, you may “crash” when your baby goes through a growth spurt and wakes more at night, or when you go through a hormonal shift.
Nap when your baby naps and take every opportunity you can to rest and put your feet up, even if you can't get in a full nap. Sometimes a catnap — ten or twenty minutes of dozing — can feel wonderfully refreshing.
During the six weeks after having a baby, you'll have plenty of questions about diet, exercise, nutrition, weight loss, and getting enough sleep. In the next several chapters, we'll delve more deeply into those topics and more.
