If you had a baby alone by choice or by chance, you're probably already acutely aware that advice like “Ask your partner to do more housework” won't help you — there's only one of you to do all the work of raising a baby, paying the bills, and keeping the house from falling down. But even without a partner to help, single mothers can not only survive, but thrive.

Preparation

If you have time to prepare before your baby is born, there's a lot you can do to make your postpartum period easier. For example, if you want to apply for any programs like Medicaid, child care assistance, or WIC (Women, Infants, and Children, which provides food to pregnant and nursing mothers and babies), get as much of the paperwork and documentation together before your baby is born so there will be less to do postpartum.

If the baby's father will be involved, you'll want to discuss some specifics ahead of time — when will he be visiting the baby? What kind of visitation and custody arrangements will he seek? What about child support? All these considerations can be very stressful, and you don't want to be dealing with any surprises or battles right after your baby is born.

If You Weren't Ready for This

Some mothers become unexpectedly single very close to their due dates or right after the baby's born. In those situations, you may need to lean heavily on close friends and family — perhaps even spending some time living with your parents or another loved one while you're recovering. Try not to worry about anything besides you and your baby at this time. Let others care for you. Becoming suddenly single is stressful enough; trying to care for a baby alone adds a whole new level of strain.

Your Baby's Father

Depending on your relationship, your baby's father might be a source of support and encouragement during this time, or your interactions with him may cause you stress, anger, pain, and fear. All of those emotions can be taxing and are not something you need to be dealing with during your postpartum weeks. If you find that contact with your baby's father is just too stressful for you but you still want to give him access to the baby, try finding a third party to act as the intermediary, somebody who can bring the baby to him and then bring the baby back to you. You could even do this in your own home if you have a place where he can get comfortable while visiting the baby while you retreat to your bedroom or take a bath.

If you do have any trouble with your baby's father during the postpartum period, document everything. The two of you may not see eye-to-eye on every issue, but if your interactions with him start to affect your sleep or make you overly anxious and stressed out, it's probably best to put off difficult discussions until the baby is a little older. All the details don't have to be nailed down right away. If your baby's father is putting a lot of pressure on you, it may be best to turn interactions over to an attorney to keep you from experiencing additional stress.

Help from Friends or Relatives

Don't underestimate how tired and sore you might be after your baby is born. It's a good idea to arrange for a close friend or relative, like your sister or mother, to stay with you for as long as possible after your baby is born. Even if you're feeling well after giving birth, you'll want to stay in bed and rest as much as possible and shouldn't be cooking, cleaning, or attending to older children. And having an extra set of arms to hold the baby while you shower or to bring you a glass of water while you're nursing can be very helpful. If you have a c-section, you'll absolutely need hands-on help as you're recovering from surgery. You can also stay with a parent or friend for a while if they can accommodate both you and your baby comfortably. Whoever you ask, make sure it's someone who you have a good and uncomplicated relationship with, and somebody who will support you as a parent. You don't want to put yourself in the position of defending your mothering choices or feeling tense and anxious about someone who's supposed to be helping take care of you.

Professional Help

Some single moms find that they don't mind the solitude at all — on the contrary, they're glad to be able to focus completely on their baby without having to worry about interacting with anyone else. Others don't have any family or friends they'd feel comfortable bringing into their home for a long period of time, or don't have anyone willing or available to help out. If you don't want or can't get any live-in help, keep in mind that it is very difficult to take care of your own needs when you don't have anyone else to lean on. If you can, consider hiring help like a postpartum doula or a cleaning service to pick up some of the slack, and reach out to your social network for friendship and support.