If you're experiencing grief, anger, or other negative feelings about your c-section, it's important to talk about it with supportive people. You may even find that you have a hard time not talking about it, even if those around you aren't sure what to say or are downright dismissive of your feelings. The following sections cover the possible roadblocks you may run into when trying to express your feelings to the people in your life.

Your Spouse or Partner

While it's normal to want your partner to be your primary emotional support, your husband or partner may not be able to give you what you need when it comes to emotional support after your c-section. If you had a long or difficult labor prior to surgery, your partner may have been relieved that the surgeon took over and may not understand your sense of loss.

He may be feeling his own anxiety over the situation or may feel that it's best to put the experience behind you. Your partner may also simply not know what to do or how best to help you feel better. It's also possible that your partner will go through his own version of a grieving process later, or show it in a different way.

These differences are normal, but you can express to your partner that to heal and move past the grief you feel around your birth experience, you need to go over what happened, and you need him to offer you nonjudgmental and noncritical support.

Negative Feelings Toward Your Partner

Sometimes, difficulty in sharing your birth experience with your spouse can come from negative feelings you may be harboring toward him in connection with your birth. You may find yourself feeling angry with your partner if you feel he failed at the job of “protecting” you from the c-section. This feeling doesn't always have a basis in reality, but it can be difficult to overcome. You may also feel jealous of him if he was able to hold the baby before you were, give the baby his first feeding, or otherwise spend what you considered “your time” with the baby. Even if these feelings seem irrational, getting these feelings out is vital to moving past them — trying to squelch them will probably just lead to the feeling showing up in different ways. You can talk about them with a third party (a therapist, midwife, or doula), attend a cesarean support group, or write about these feelings in a journal. You don't necessarily have to share these feelings with your partner, but it's important to find some way to help you express them so that you can move past them.

Friends and Family

Sometimes well-meaning loved ones can actually make matters worse in their attempts to make you feel better about your birth experience. It's normal for you to want to tell your birth story again and again, but the people close to you may not understand your negative feelings — “Well, you got a healthy baby, and that's all that matters!” — or try to convince you that you “got off easy” by not giving birth vaginally. Or, your loved ones may try to convince you that you were “saved” by the c-section, which can be especially difficult to digest if you aren't entirely convinced the procedure was necessary.

Nowadays, surgical birth is so commonplace that many people underestimate just how big a deal it can be for a mother, and you may find yourself on the receiving end of a lot of thoughtless comments. Also, people may be so happy about your baby that they don't want to dwell on any negative feelings you might be having, and don't understand how you could be feeling sadness even when you have a new baby. On the flip side, some mothers actually report that family and friends criticize their c-section, whether it was planned or an emergency.

Your Feelings Matter

Remember, your birth experience does matter. If you feel sad, angry, disappointed, resentful, or any other negative feeling connected to your birth, it is valid. However, for a variety of reasons, including your loved ones' own fears, biases, and experiences when it comes to birth, and the cultural notion that the process of birth is not important, you may have a difficult time finding an understanding ear to listen to you express your grief over your birth experience. If your friends or family aren't able to understand your feelings surrounding your birth experience, it might be best to simply not discuss it with them, and to find an understanding person to talk it over with instead.