Motherhood can be isolating, and new moms are often shocked by how demanding their new role is. “I didn't know it would be like this” is a common cry of a bewildered new mother, trying to keep afloat as she navigates the rocky new waters she's found herself in. A social support system is absolutely vital to your emotional and even physical health as a new mom. Research has shown that mothers given adequate social support during childbirth have better outcomes and shorter labors and that they interact with their babies more. Other research has linked health and life expectancy to the quality of social connections. It's reasonable to deduce, then, that moms who have a good support community will be healthier emotionally and physically as new mothers, and that they'll be better and more engaged mothers as well.

Unless you have a large circle of friends who are having kids around the same time as you, you may find yourself spending your days alone, wondering what the outside world is doing and trying to figure out how to be a part of it. Your single friends are probably working during the day and going out at night, and may be unsure of how to include you in their lives now that you've got a baby.

Your Old Friends

If the invitations have stopped rolling in from your friends who don't have kids, it may just be that they don't think you'd be interested in having lunch or going out for a drink now that you've got a baby — even if that's the furthest thing from the truth. If your best pals love babies, you may have no trouble convincing them that you're just as much fun — maybe even more fun — with your new sidekick around. Eventually, those friends who want children will probably be glad they've been able to watch and learn from you as a parent.

Friends without kids can be great. Everything is new and novel to them, so chances are good that they'll find your baby just as fascinating as you do. Childless friends often love to “borrow” babies for fun and practice. They can keep you connected to that side of yourself that's still carefree and independent.

But if you have friends who aren't sure how they feel about kids, they may be uncertain about including you in social events. If they invite the baby too, will they have to listen to crying? If you come without the baby, will you bore everyone with tales of teething and poop?

Let your old friends know that you're still the same person, even if you are spending a lot of your time with someone lacking scintillating conversation skills. Invite friends over for a drink after you know the baby will be asleep for the night. Keep in mind that, though some friends may be eager for every developmental detail, others may not want to rehash drooling and diapering for hours.

When Old Friendships Die

Be prepared, though, that some of your old friendships just may not survive your journey into motherhood. If you're missing your old life, keeping connections with your prebaby friends can be helpful, unless your get-togethers end with you feeling like your new life isn't as interesting or meaningful as theirs. If you feel like a friendship is imploding, try not to take it personally: an old friend may not understand or value your new priorities or may be jealous of you, or you may simply be growing apart.

Finding Supportive Friends

It's important that your mothering groups are supportive and understanding of your parenting style and that you feel your mothering skills are valued within the group. You needn't agree 100 percent with the other mothers about every parenting issue, but knowing that they respect and support you as a mother is vital. But don't fall into the trap of only seeking out people who parent exactly the way you do, or who are the same age or at roughly the same place on the parenting journey as you are. More experienced mothers can act as mentors, and can offer proof that you, too, will come through this confusing period just fine, while befriending greener moms will put you in the role of mentor, which allows you to give back and can give your self-esteem a boost. And you can learn from and be gently challenged by the perspectives of mothers who (respectfully) parent differently than you do.