For their child's sake and for their own sake, parents need to keep the larger picture of consent in view. Even the most willful, obstinate, and rebellious child gives some consent. He does some things that his parents want, and he avoids some things that he knows his parents don't want him to do. When a child feels her parents don't see all the consent that she does give, she feels unappreciated and unfairly evaluated. When parents believe they aren't getting any consent from their child, they feel frustrated and frightened.

The lesson is: Always recognize and credit the consent that your child gives you. This recognition will help you maintain a healthy perspective on the times when he refuses to give consent. It also encourages your son or daughter to continue giving his or her consent. Acknowledging to your child that you appreciate that he has done what you want him to do makes him feel that it is worth his effort to do so again. If you do not acknowledge these times, you may be in for a lot of encounters with an angry child who feels unappreciated, and you may begin to feel fearful that you've lost all influence.