Being peers with parents not only leads the only child to develop more grown-up speaking and social skills at an early age, but it also causes the boy or girl to feel more adult from the adult association. In consequence, the child will frequently lay claim to adult-like standing in the family. Not intimidated by parental authority (and often not by adult authority in general), the only child often feels he or she is entitled to significant, if not equal, participation in family decisions.

Unhappily, this is where a self-imposed performance pressure can begin for many an only child. By presuming comparable standing to parents (“If I can act their equal, then I should have equal say”), the only child carries this equation one dangerous step further: “If I can act equally grown up, then I should be able to perform equally well.”

But the child is not an adult, and so these standards are inappropriate and unreachable. “I can't do it as well as you,” moans the only child when the more experienced parent does something better. Then, to ease this frustration, the parent may respond, “Don't be so hard on yourself, you're just a child.” But this is not what the only child wants to hear, and now she feels put down and assigned inferior standing in the family.

To help keep your only child's unrealistically high standards from making your discipline even harder to take, soften the stands you take by making honest explanations. “When we want you to take on additional responsibility, that doesn't mean you are not trying or working hard enough. It just means that as you grow there is more self-discipline to learn.”

“When we call you down for not doing what we feel you should, or for doing what we feel you shouldn't, that doesn't mean you don't do anything right. In fact, it's the exception that proves the rule: most of the time you conduct your life extremely well.”