Around ages three to four, your child should be trained in the basics of cooperation, learning skills that can be taught only through lots of repetition. Remember that repetition builds habits, and you want to build a habit of cooperation in your child so he or she will work with — and not against — you, now and in the years ahead. There are four building blocks of cooperation to teach your son or daughter.

1. Listening and attending: “What did you hear me ask? Tell me what I just said.” You want your child to be in the habit of tuning you in, not tuning you out. Your child thinks, “I know what you want when I pay attention to what you say.”

2. Giving to get: “What do I need you to do for me? Tell me what you do for me that gets me to do for you.” You want your child to be in the habit of thinking about how her meeting your needs is connected with your meeting her needs. She thinks, “I do for you and you do for me.”

3. Keeping agreements: “What did you promise me? Tell me what you agreed that you would do.” You want your child to be in the habit of keeping his word, not forgetting or breaking it. He thinks, “When I tell you I'm going to do something, I mean what I say.”

4. Being of service: “What special help can you provide? Tell me how I can call on you when I have need?” You want your child to be in the habit of valuing what he has to contribute to the family. He thinks, “I have skills worth offering.”

Children who are taught early to listen, to give to get, to keep agreements, and to be of service to their parents — and who are rewarded with praise every time they do these things — tend to be more cooperative with their parents than children who lack these basic interpersonal skills.