When a new relationship becomes increasingly serious, you'll probably fear, and still absolutely have to broach, the difficult subjects — sex and money. This is particularly important because you have children. You're older, wiser, and fiscally responsible, so just as you would safeguard your children from other dangers, take steps to safeguard your children's financial future.

Lay It All on the Table

If you're at the move-in stage, ask for a meeting in which you will share credit reports, FICO scores, credit card and loan balances, and net worth statements. This will be your opportunity to find out his true situation and to find out how he handles his financial responsibilities.

It would also be a good idea to ask to see the last three years of income tax reports, as well as records of child or spousal support and payroll stubs. You are entitled to know the absolute truth about his financial situation. A man who balks at openly sharing may well have something to hide — even if it's only a tendency to control all financial decisions.

You'll also want to create common financial goals and make commitments to fulfill them. For smooth sailing, set the parameters for how much each will bring into the household, who will pay for what expenses, and how you will negotiate disagreements or problems as they arise. If you have varying philosophies about spending and saving, now is the time to define your expectations, limitations, and boundaries.

If it makes you feel insecure that he likes to play online poker as a hobby, perhaps you can establish a poker fund that he can feel free to use, as long as he doesn't dip into other household funds. If you like buying new shoes every month and can afford them, perhaps you'll want to list new shoes as a line item in your combined budget.

In the beginning, particularly if you aren't buying a house together or otherwise mingling debts, it makes sense to keep the majority of your finances separate. You can establish a common household account, and then, as the relationship grows, you can begin to merge your financial assets and debts.

It's always wise to have some money that remains yours to control, whether it's a clothing budget or mad money. People feel more secure when they have money that they control and that they don't have to answer to someone else as to how they spend it. Also, you'll want to have credit cards and other debt accounts remain in your name so that you maintain a healthy credit rating.

It's also important to discuss behavioral expectations. If you want to sit down together every month to pay joint expenses, balance the checkbooks, and create new goals, make sure he understands how important this is to you. If you agree to turn everything over to him but are uncomfortable not being on top of things, ask for a monthly meeting in which you review all the finances. Maybe you want joint meetings before any major purchases, or you'd like to establish joint savings that build toward the purchase of a new car.

Whatever you require to make you feel secure, knowledgeable, and powerful within the relationship is, and will remain, important. It's the failure to talk about finances clearly that creates problems that can quickly become — or at least feel — insurmountable.

Set Ground Rules

Instead of counting on your romantic feelings to pacify all problems, take the time to write out a very concrete “cohabitation agreement” that will specify the financial agreement you have worked out together — your mutual rights and obligations with respect to joint and separate property from now on. Define both partners' expectations and how they will be met, or worked toward. Without a written cohabitation agreement, your right to receive support, share in assets acquired during the length of the relationship, make medical decisions on his behalf, or claim an inheritance will be difficult at best to obtain.

It's not wise to rush into co-ownership of houses, so if he is moving into your house, you may want him to pay rent for a period of one year, at which time you will renegotiate. If you decide to purchase property together, consult with a lawyer or financial consultant to determine the best way to structure ownership.

“Joint tenant” means that the survivor owns the property in the event of the other's death, while “tenants in common” means that the property goes to the deceased's estate, so that heirs end up owning the property. If you're paying down 60 percent to his 40 percent on a new house, state that clearly, and specify how you want that to be handled in the event of a sale.

You also want to protect your assets. Make a list of everything you own, including investments, furniture, and heirlooms. Co-ownership from the point of cohabitation can be negotiated, but what's yours prior to the relationship should remain yours. Also, to fully protect your children, leave them listed as your beneficiaries on bank accounts, insurance policies, investments, or wills. If you decide to marry, by all means renegotiate the financial agreement, keeping in mind that once you marry, each person will become mutually responsible for both parties' financial management.