When Traditions Vary
Let's face it, life is not always predictable. When something unavoidable comes up, a family tradition can be very different or may not even happen. Let's suppose that your family always has movie night on Friday. You always eat pizza. Mom, Dad, and kids get comfy with sleep pants and pillows. It is a great family fun time. But this week Dad is called out of town for work. You will need to choose if movie night will happen this time without Dad or if you will move it to another evening.
Communicate Early
Surprises are overrated. This is especially true for children who are struggling to make sense of day-to-day routine. Throw a change of plans into the works and everyone will be frustrated.
As soon as you know that a family tradition will be different, plan when to tell your child. It is not necessary to tell her right away. If you find out three months in advance that Grandpa cannot come for her birthday, for example, it is too early to have the discussion. It is important, however, to be honest and to give your child enough notice that she will get used to (not necessarily like) the idea of the change.
Fact
Being upset about change is a common characteristic of children with autism, learning disability, behavior disorder, and developmental delay. If your child is upset because of change, it does not mean she falls into one of these categories. Some children may not easily understand verbal explanations and therefore seek consistency. Others are overwhelmed with new situations.
Let Your Child Help Change the Calendar
Children with special needs often feel as if they have little control over their lives. Truly, their days are filled with appointments, therapies, school, homework, and plain old responsibilities. Having your child help make the needed changes on the calendar gives her a sense of control in a situation that is ultimately out of her control.
If you have decided to have the activity without the person important to your child, keep things upbeat. In the situation where Dad was traveling on family movie night, perhaps Dad can be the one to take your child to the store to rent the movies before he leaves. Perhaps Dad can leave a note on the special snacks explaining how excited he is about the next movie night.
Help your child mark the next movie night on the calendar. Reinforce that Dad will be at that movie night. Keep reinforcing the idea as that night approaches.
