It is critical to be kind to yourself. You will be dealing with feelings of disappointment and guilt, or that you are being punished for your actions. The truth is that having a child with a special need does not happen as a punishment. Parents do not have a baby with a disability because they are bad people.

Parents often worry that they could have prevented their baby's disability. Despite their reading books and magazines and following advice about diet and other critical issues of pregnancy, things can go wrong. Sometimes parents blame each other. It is natural to feel responsible, but most often there is nothing that could have been done differently. Some disabilities are the result of complications during pregnancy or birth. Some happen for unknown reasons. You may need to forgive yourself and your spouse — even though there is nothing really to forgive.

In a small percentage of cases, a disability happens because of genetic conditions unknown to the parents. Talk with your doctor about the possible causes of your baby's condition. Seek his advice or the advice of a doctor who specializes in genetic counseling to see if there is a similar risk with future children.

Seek the facts about your child's condition. Talk about your feelings with your spouse, and take time to heal. Try to accept that life is often unfair, and turn your combined efforts toward your baby. She will need both of you to get along and reach her highest potential.