Family Gatherings
Family gatherings can be great for introducing your child to the world of “others.” It is an opportunity for you to explain your child's needs and to team with others who want to help. Your extended family is one of the largest support groups your child will have outside of the special education team at school and certain special needs agencies and organizations.
Family Food
Food is often a central component at family gatherings. The hostess may make traditional (and perhaps costly) dishes for special get-togethers. Visiting family members may bring dishes to share. Although family favorites and comfort food may sound good to you, your child may not share your feelings. Some children have special food needs. Others are resistant to trying new foods because of taste, color, or texture.
Follow the share-a-dish plan. Bring one or several dishes that your child will eat. Your contribution to the meal can relieve stress for your child and your hostess.
Take some additional backup items just for your child that you are sure she will tolerate. This is especially important if you will be staying overnight with family. Also, have a quick-fix meal plan for your child that you can use after a trip to the store. Expanding food tolerance is important, but addressing it at Aunt Jane's house on Thanksgiving is not the best plan.
Alert
If your child has allergies or a special diet, share the information with family members who will be cooking ahead of time. Give them the opportunity to include your child's needs in the menu. If she needs a diet that is tough to follow or if the cook is concerned, assure her that you have the food covered.
Family Activities
Think about the activities that happen at family get-togethers. Is your family generally active? Perhaps they are the type to play family football in the backyard. Maybe they are more subdued and tend to sit around the dining room table and chat. Have a plan for your child during these family activity times.
If your family is the active type, plan ways for your child to be involved. Can you or another family member be an assistant? Perhaps your child has a physical disability. Because of limited use of his hands and arms, he may use an electric wheelchair. If your family plays baseball, you can hit the ball and let your child “run” to base.
If your family gatherings are on the quieter side, take along things that your child can do with the other young family members. Board games, small dolls or trucks, and DVDs are a few ideas.
Questions and Comments
Your family knows you better than anyone else. What they may not know is your child's needs and how to be appropriately supportive and involved. Family members may seem to blurt out questions that are hurtful. They may seem to place blame for your child's condition. The comments may seem degrading toward your child or your efforts to be a good parent.
Remember that your family has not had the same experiences that you have had. You have learned about your child's specific needs. You are learning how to care for her and to have healthy expectations for her progress. Now you are also learning how to get your family members on board to motivate this wonderful, new family member.
Look for positives. When a family member interacts with your child, reinforce that interaction. Often people are afraid that they will do something wrong. Encourage interaction.
Essential
You will be amazed at the reaction of family members who understand ways they can help. No doubt they have shared the same concerns and questions you had as you learned about your child's needs. The right information and something to do to help will make family members among your child's strongest advocates.
Follow up with supportive feedback. When Uncle Jim says, “Do you like football?” encourage your daughter to respond with her like or dislike of the sport. If she watches baseball without fail, make sure that Uncle Jim knows that so that the conversation continues.
Sometimes you may see or hear interaction that is degrading to your child. It is most likely unintentional, but you have an opportunity to steer things in the right direction. If Cousin Jeff comments on how your daughter (age 16) loves her toy car collection, chime in about the recent trip your daughter made to the community car show.
Enlisting Help
Getting your family involved in helping is another way to promote understanding. If you are the hostess preparing the family feast and it is time to feed your child, enlist a visiting family member. It is a perfect time for someone to help without fear of doing something wrong. You will be right there to offer on-the-spot guidance.
Do you need shirts that button down the front to accommodate your child's FM auditory trainer? Spread the word in the family. As others shop, they can be on the lookout for the needed items. It will save you time, and they will be pleased to help out.
