There is an old saying about not throwing the baby out with the bath water. Children make mistakes. (Don't we all!) They will test the rules and the people who are enforcing the rules.

Discipline is a way to reinforce your expectations, but needing to discipline your child does not mean that she is bad. Know when and how to give your child a fresh start. She will be watching to see when she has been forgiven, and your unconditional love is critical to her emotional growth.

Put an End to the Discipline

As you establish a fair, consistent discipline plan you will see a beginning and an end to each behavior incident. For example, suppose your child willfully ignores your request to pick up her toys. You ask a second time, but still no effort is made to pick up the toys. Finally, you remind her of the consequence: no TV for the evening. You are consistent and follow through on your word; there is no TV that evening.

The next thing in your family's nightly routine is bath, story, and bed. Remember that the behavior is finished. The discipline is finished. Approach the remainder of the evening with a fresh start. Treat her refusal to pick up her toys as if it had never happened.

Have a Fresh Start — Review the Expectations

Here is how the fresh-start scenario works:

1. Your child breaks the rules.

2. You give your child a warning about her behavior. You remind her that she is not following your expectations.

3. The behavior continues.

4. You remind her again.

5. The behavior continues.

6. You tell her that there will be no TV that evening.

7. At the end of the usual TV time, you explain that you are disappointed (or sad) that she did not follow the rules. That is why she did not have TV. Explain that you know that next time she will pick up her toys when you ask.

8. Continue with the night-time routine without further reminder of the incident. It is time for a fresh start.