In order to discipline fairly and appropriately, you have to establish rules. The rules will be very different for a two-year-old with a physical disability and a 10-year-old with ADHD.

Appropriate Considerations

Consider the age of your child. Is he a preschooler who will be learning not to take toys from other children and to talk quietly at the table? Is he an elementary-aged child who will be learning to tell the truth and to be responsible about keeping his room picked up?

Consider the development level of your child when establishing appropriate rules. Even if he is nine years old, he will need some very basic, concrete rules if his cognitive skills are those of a toddler.

Make a List

Decide what behaviors you will address. Here are some areas to consider:

• Physical aggression toward others

• Table manners

• Using kind words

• Completing household chores

• Following directions

Your child will not be able to focus on long lists of rules in every area. Prioritize the rules and begin with the most important. When your child is doing well with those, add more rules to the list.

As you prepare your list of rules, be sure to find out what your spouse's priorities are for your child's behavior. It is important that once you set up the discipline plan, the two of you stick together.

Re-evaluate

Revisit the rules, rewards, and consequences periodically. Use this checklist to help you monitor how the plan is working:

• Has this behavior plan had a positive effect on your child's behavior?

• In general, are the rules working?

• Is your child ready for some new rules?

As your child matures, it will be necessary to change the rules of your discipline plan so they remain appropriate for his age and new behaviors.