Consistency is important in order to effectively influence your child's behavior. If the rule sometimes stands and sometimes does not, it will be tempting to take the risk. The child who really wants to play on the computer when he is supposed to be doing homework, for example, will be more tempted to do so if there are consequences only some of the time.

Between Parents

One of the first ways that your child will test the consistency of your rules is to compare how each parent enforces them. It may happen when your child is a toddler and wants to take his juice into the living room, for example. Perhaps the rule is that the juice stays in the kitchen. Mom enforces the “no juice in the living room” rule. Your toddler wants to know if the rule holds on Saturday afternoon when Mom is out and Dad is in charge. He may not have the verbal skills to say that, but his behaviors will test it out.

Whether or not juice is in the living room may be the least of your concerns. The fact is that your child will retest the consistency between parents from time to time. In fact, he will become a more frequent tester the more times he can get away with it.

Another thing to consider about the consistency between parents is the age of your child. As he gets older and goes through normal stages of emotional independence, he will be much more likely to test between parents if there is a history of success.

Be consistent. It is important that both parents reinforce the rules and each other. When your child has the needed verbal skills, remind him that a no from one parent means no from the other.

Different Times, Different Places

Are your rules the same at different times and in different places? Do you have consistent rules at home but not so much in public? Perhaps you are pretty consistent on the weekends, but during the week the work rush sweeps some of the rules out of the door.

You may not be able to immediately follow through on “time-out” discipline when you are in the checkout line at the grocery store. Your child will learn to respect your reminder that the consequence will happen as soon as you are at home, if you are consistent with follow-through regardless of where the incident takes place.

Day Care and School

Sometimes there is a difference in the way discipline is applied at home and in other places — like day care and school. You can address some of the difference. If you are hiring a babysitter to care for your child, you can explain your family's discipline system.

When your child is in a group situation, you will not have as much control over the rules and consequences. Think about homework rules in your child's classroom. Perhaps the rule is to make up missing homework at lunch recess. You know that your child is struggling with math concepts, but he could complete the work with a little explanation at home. Tonight your child has soccer practice, and that will cut into the homework time. You have some choices:

• Have him miss practice in order to complete the work.

• Let him go to practice and then “help” him complete the work by talking him through each answer.

• Let him go to the practice, and then complete his work for him.

• Understand that there will be a consequence at school for the unfinished work.

If you choose to do his work or coax him through the answers, he learns that he is not accountable for the expectations at school. His rules are not consistent.

There is a time, as a parent, to speak up if the rules at day care or school are not fair. That is another topic. The concern here is on communicating rules and applying them consistently across the areas of your child's life.

Between Siblings

It is normal for siblings to feel that the other one has fewer rules or that the rules are not enforced equally. This can be even more of an issue if one child has a special need. The other siblings may feel that the child with a special need gets away with things.

Have rules that are developmentally appropriate for each sibling. A child with Down syndrome may be expected to put his dirty laundry in a clothes basket. His sister may be expected to sort the laundry for the whole family and to wash the towels. The difference in rules should be developmentally appropriate.

It may be necessary to explain to your family that rules are based on ability and age. Assure your other children that you will fairly enforce the rules for all. Consistent expectations and consequences will make this rule setup as fair as possible.