You have been an advocate for your child since the day he was born. Looking out for his needs, asking questions, requesting information and services — you have voiced his needs and rights on his behalf. Developing everyday advocacy techniques that are effective and not alienating is your goal.

Rewording

Sometimes you will field comments or questions that are offensive. You have two choices:

1. You can inform the speaker that his words were offensive.

2. You can reword his comment or question in more appropriate language before you give your response.

Most of the time offensive errors will be unintentional. Perhaps you and your child are waiting for a ride at a theme park. When it is your turn to climb aboard the attendant remarks that she didn't know that he was a crippled boy.

You cringe. He is a little boy with a physical disability. You might say he has a special need. You would not use the label crippled and you certainly would not use the label in front of the child.

Sometimes, there are other reasons for unintentional offense. An example is the media — newspapers and Internet. Too often the space allowed for titles dictates word order. It is not intended to offend. In those instances, read further to see how the article is written.

Be Proactive

Communicate the positive ideas and strategies that you want to be associated with your child. This will be critical amongst your family and friends, at school, and in the community. You may feel like you are saying the same thing over and over. It takes a long time to mold thinking and words.

Perhaps your child is involved in a community youth group. The group will have a car wash fundraiser. Your child may use crutches to walk because spina bifida affects the use of his legs.

At the parent planning meeting the idea of the car wash is presented. Your response is positive. “That's a great idea. David is a wonderful artist. I am sure that he would love to help with the posters.” You have reminded the group about the ability of your child and that he can be involved despite his disability.

Pick Your Battles

You will not be able to change the world. You can only promote, encourage, and reword so much on behalf of your child. Make sure that your battles are for the things that are truly important. Here are some examples:

• Your child is in physical danger.

• The offense continues to happen over time despite your polite efforts for change.

• The offense is committed by a person in leadership who will likely influence others to follow his practice.

• The offense goes against your child's legal rights.

In these instances, though, you will need to confront the offender. These situations will hopefully be few in number.

Join a Group

Get involved in a group that promotes awareness of your child's particular need. Typically, there are national groups for most disabilities, and many have sub-groups at the state (and sometimes community) level. Being involved in an awareness group can mean anything from attending informational workshops and conferences to lobbying for needed legislation. You will be able to find activities within the group that fit your personality. Perhaps the most important aspect of your involvement is showing your child that he is important, and that it is important to communicate his needs to his world.