Prepare for Developmental Changes
You known that the symptoms of depression are different for certain stages in the child's life. After depression, you need to be prepared for their developmental growth to have an effect on their feelings and be aware of the factors that can possibly make depressive symptoms recur.
Children
As children age, they are going to be introduced to new experiences. This can be something as simple as a new grade in school, the arrival of a new student in his classroom, or maybe a new sibling! Now that his depression has lifted, he is ready to take on new tasks and responsibilities at home. Do not be afraid to make changes in that regard, but be sure they are commensurate with his level of ability.
Alert!
Your child may use his depression as an excuse for not doing what you've asked. He will masterfully remind you how he was feeling when you asked him to do something when he was depressed. You may feel a twinge of guilt that perhaps you shouldn't make him do something. Not so, and don't buy into his manipulations!
Encourage your child to make new friends and try new things. Help him find people and activities that fit his personality and interests. It is time for him to re-enter his social life, but he may need a little push from you.
It also may be time to renegotiate the rules in your home for your child as he changes, such as bedtime or the amount of TV he can watch. Introduce new freedoms and privileges that he can try out. This will give him, and you, the opportunity to see how much he is able to handle at a certain age.
Adolescence
Teenagers are strange creatures! On the one hand, you'll meet “Mr. Independent” who will scream for you to leave him alone and get off of his back. Next, you'll encounter “Mr. Whiny Baby” who wants you to take care of him like a five-year-old! The problem is that you never know which personality you will get. Your teenager's personalities can take on even more forms than just these two, so living with him will be like riding on a constant rollercoaster.
Adolescence is wrought with the battle between a teenager wanting his freedom and a parent not knowing how much freedom to give. This dilemma is heightened when your child has suffered depression. You don't wish to put him in any situation in which he might re-experience symptoms. But you can't shelter him forever, and deep down you know this.
Part of what a teenager will have to learn is that with freedom comes responsibility. Part of what you must accept is that you will have to give him some freedom in order for him to learn responsibility. What you both need to recognize is that it is a give and take process between the two of you and that your teen will make plenty of mistakes along the way. This is how he will learn and grow.
Meet His Friends
Although he will protest, it is perfectly reasonable for you to expect your child to bring his friends over for you to meet before he goes out with them. Knowing who he is with gives you insight into what your teenager is experiencing and thinking. If you're uncomfortable with his set of friends, it's also okay to restrict his time with these people. Explain to him that while he has a choice to make friends with whomever he wishes, you also have the choice to manage that as you see fit.
Communication with Other Parents
Another way to stay engaged with your adolescent in terms of what he is doing is to call other parents. When your child tells you he is spending the night with John, call John's parents. Will they be home that evening or is your child really going to be there? If there is a party planned, ask if adults will be present, and call to make sure.
Question?
Shouldn't I be able to trust my child?
Of course you should, but your child is under a lot of pressure to fit in. He will naturally want to do things you don't want him to do, and he may even lie about his whereabouts. Keeping a close watch on your teenager is part of being a healthy, responsible parent.
Pay Attention
Listen to the music that your child listens to. You may not enjoy it, but it will help create a bond between you and your surly teenager and you might also get a glimpse as to whether this music is affecting him negatively or positively.
What is your child reading? Who is his favorite author and what is his favorite subject? Is there anything in the news that he finds fascinating or is concerned about? Is there a particular kind of art he would like to try and pursue? Help him maintain enthusiasm for what he enjoys by being interested yourself.
Pay attention to what kind of events he is engaged in after school. For example, if he is on the basketball team, then you know that he will have practices in the afternoons. On the other hand, if he says he is hanging out with his friends, find out where he is going and what he is doing. These are times when a teenager can easily get into trouble, and you need to be on top of your game.
Dream with your child. Play “what if” and “what would you do?” games like:
What would you do if you won a million dollars?
What would you do if you ruled the world?
If you could be anyone in the world, who would you be?
Who are your heroes?
Where would you go if you could plan the perfect vacation?
If you could have a super power, what would it be?
Questions such as these are a great way to get a conversation started. You'll learn new things about one another while having fun.
New Rules
Obviously, the rules between childhood and adolescence are going to change, and you must be prepared to make the necessary alterations. Your teenager may not need for you to tell him when to go to bed and went to get up. It may be time for a curfew change now that he is not depressed and enjoying his social life again.
Driving
Driving is probably the scariest word for a parent. However, it is a rite of passage for your teenager and should be celebrated. If he is not ready for this responsibility, practice driving with him until he is better prepared. Enroll him in a drivers' education program. Limit the amount of kids who can ride in the car with him to minimize distractions.
Fact
Many states have laws in place that limit how many passengers your teen is allowed to have in his car. Some states allow only one nonfamily member. These laws are typically strictly enforced. Find out if your state has any restrictions and be sure your teen is aware of them as well as any consequences should he not comply.
First Job
This is also a time when your child may be getting her first job. Often, teenagers are worried that their previous history of depression will become known and somehow affect their jobs. Help her to understand that no one needs to know about her history unless she wants them to know.
She may be overly anxious about the first job. What will she wear? How is she supposed to act? What if she messes up? All of this anxiety can put her under extra pressure that in turn can put her at risk for developing depressive symptoms again.
Question?
Should I let my child quit her job if her symptoms are returning?
If she's using her depression as an excuse to leave her job, no. Work is not a cause of a recurrence of symptoms, but it can add extra stress. If she cannot handle the pressure, it's better to let her quit rather than feel bad about herself.
Help her to understand that this can happen, but it can be avoided by employing the healthy self-management skills she has learned.
Generating a Plan B
When all else fails, help your child to develop a Plan B. Research shows that individuals who are able to generate alternatives are much more emotionally resilient and are less vulnerable to depression.
It would be beneficial for your child to recognize and accept that plans are going to fail, hopes will be dashed, and setbacks are going to happen. Having a Plan B means that when changes are happening too fast, or whatever plan of attack he had in place is not working, there is always another option.
