Overparenting
It's been said in previous chapters that there is a tendency for parents with a depressed child to be overprotective and overly engaged in their children's lives. This is perfectly normal. But now you are in a new phase — recovery — and this means that it's time for you to pull back. Your child is finally getting well. Revel in this, and congratulate yourself that you and your child have survived a very difficult time.
Keep Doing Your Homework
Because depression can recur, it's important to remain knowledgeable about depression and the way that it manifests itself at different ages. While you don't want to keep your child under a microscope, you do need to be on the lookout should symptoms reappear.
Alert!
If your child experiences negative emotions reminiscent of his depression, he is likely to worry that his depression is returning. Stress to him that bad feelings are a natural part of our daily functioning. It will be important for him to learn how to discern between what are normal ups and downs and the more serious symptoms of depression.
Watch for signs of environmental stress. Is something different at school that might be putting pressure on your child? Has he started a new school year with a new teacher? Is he getting along with his friends? Any type of event that is causing significant changes for your child can be a trigger for a return of depressive symptoms.
Keep a Positive Attitude
When you are projecting a positive outlook, your child will likely model this as well. Promote positive emotions by reminding him that thinking affirmatively and creatively will keep depressive symptoms at bay. Foster a sense of self-reliance. Remind him of the skills he learned while depressed to manage his emotions and behavior. These skills are still excellent ways for dealing with whatever challenges he might be facing. Help him to remember that it is this new set of self-management tools that can possibly prevent depression from returning.
Whose Life Is It Anyway?
It bears repeating that the dreams and expectations you have for your child are not always the same as those that he has for himself. If this is the case, consider whether you are trying to force him to be someone that he is not or whether you are being unreasonable.
Essential
You should have certain expectations for your child in terms of his behavior, his treatment of others, and his fulfillment of his responsibilities. The expectations you should keep in check, however, are more about wanting to mold your child into a person that you think he should be rather than honoring who he really is.
Also, there is nothing wrong with your child having different hopes for himself than you do. The fact that he does have these expectations is a sign that he is looking ahead and is feeling better. Keep your personal feelings in check, and try your best to promote his expectations for himself.
One of the hardest tasks in a child's recovery is allowing him to become more independent. There are things that you have done for him in the past that he can now do on his own. You must resist the urge to do these things for him so that he does not become excessively dependent on you.
