Parental Reservations About Getting Help
You wouldn't be a good parent if you didn't have at least some concerns about getting help for your child. This is a completely new territory for you and for your child, so it's normal to feel anxious. How much will it cost? How do I hire a qualified professional?
You may question whether your child is just merely changing as he passes from one developmental stage to another. Are his behaviors a response to something happening at home, such as your impending divorce? Another very common reservation parents have is that they expect their children to talk to them, not some stranger.
Why Won't He Talk to Me?
“Why wouldn't he want to talk to me if something is wrong? He should be able to talk to me instead of a perfect stranger.” This is a common lament from parents, but one that may not be fair here. Children can be good at acting out their feelings rather than describing them. Often this is because they don't know how to label their feelings and thus describe them with accuracy.
Fact
Professionals trained to treat children and adolescents have many resources for helping them define their emotions, describe them, and therefore address the ones that are troubling. This is one of the most important parts of treating depression, and it is a coping skill that will last a lifetime and help your child through many other situations.
When a child is asked how he feels about something or what is wrong, the typical answer is to either shrug or to say, “I don't know.” Often, the more you push, the more resistant the child becomes to talking. It's important not to take this personally.
Often a child believes that his “bad” feelings will somehow upset you and make you unhappy, and so he keeps quiet. At other times, the child is feeling hopeless and figures no one can help him, not even you. Deciding to involve a professional lets your child know that you are not afraid to seek help, and he shouldn't be hesitant either.
Cost
Another reservation parents have is cost. Obviously, you have to consider the cost of something when making a decision. The same is true for medical care. Part of parents' denial about their child's problems leads them to believe they can't afford to hire a professional. But perhaps you should consider this: not seeking help will cost you more in terms of money and your child's happiness than getting it. You may think nothing of paying money for a cell phone, cable TV, and other luxuries. Why wouldn't you spend money on getting help?
A parent might also be a bit intimidated about the entire treatment process. Putting your child in the hands of a complete stranger can be scary. It is perfectly understandable that you have reservations about how to secure the most appropriate treatment for your child. This chapter should help answer many questions you may have and give you some guidance for seeking help.
