Chronic Illness
It's already been established that a child with chronic illness or a disability has the potential to become depressed. But what about the illness of a parent or sibling? When a parent becomes chronically ill, the entire family balance becomes out of whack.
For a young child, the family is his world. If a parent becomes chronically ill, a major player becomes absent in one form or another. For example, if a mother gets breast cancer, there can be time spent in the hospital and time spent at home recuperating. Then there are treatments and their aftermath. All of this spells absence from her responsibilities as a parent, and ultimately, to her children.
No one is to blame for this — no one asks for a major illness. Even a long-term illness or disability that takes a parent out of the game for a while takes time away from a child who is reliant upon parents for nurturing, attention, and other emotional needs. A significant interruption in this parenting can put a child at greater risk for getting depressed.
A Parent's Illness
You may think that a child ought to be able to understand that a parent is ill and that it's not voluntary that he doesn't get his needs met. In reality, this is true. But remember, children are basically egocentric. They think mostly about themselves, and that is perfectly normal. When their needs aren't met, however, there is a tendency in younger children to feel responsible for their parents' unavailability.
Alert!
If you or your spouse has a chronic illness, do not let your child become the nurse. Letting him help out occasionally is a great way to teach compassion and responsibility. Too much of that role prevents him from getting to be a kid and puts him at great risk for depression.
When one parent is chronically ill, the other parent is usually absorbed by the sick spouse's needs. Now there are two emotionally unavailable parents present in a child's world. Often, it's all the healthy parent can do to manage his spouse's sickness while taking care of the household.
Sibling Illness
Also placing your child in jeopardy is the serious illness of a sibling. Parents are normally worried, tense, and emotionally drained when this occurs. When one child's illness consumes so much of the parents' energy, the other child might feel left out. Although sad about his sick brother or sister, the healthy child may exhibit anger, jealousy, or other negative behaviors as a result. In turn, these feelings get redirected at himself. He blames himself for not being loved enough, or for being bad and causing the attention to be directed elsewhere.
Fact
A child who overly identifies with the sick parent or sibling is at an even greater risk for depression. When he spends all of his time involved in the illness process, he actually starts to think he can somehow make it go away or at least make it better. His self-esteem becomes hooked in with this mission.
Serious, chronic illness within the family is something no one can control. Parents usually try their best to spread themselves out and often end up worn completely down or become sick themselves. If you are one of these parents, it's often very beneficial to involve other people who love your child. While nothing can completely replace a parent's love, time, and attention, things happen. Leaning on others actually can help decrease your child's chances for becoming depressed.
