Teaching Communication Skills
What if your child has trouble figuring out how to say something? In Chapter 12 it was mentioned that people are born not knowing how to name their emotions. If you have trouble labeling your own emotions, get some help and learn to do it. This is one of the most important skills you can teach your child and one of the best ways to prevent depression.
Ask and Show
Ask questions. “How are you feeling today?” “I know you didn't get invited to the party and that would make me disappointed. What about you?” Push a little, but not so much that you frustrate him. If possible, ask open-ended questions so that your child is forced to answer with more than just one-word answers.
Another way to help teach good communication skills is to model good communication. When you are feeling angry, instead of yelling or banging your fist on the counter, say out loud, “I am feeling angry right now because….” While it sounds simple and that nothing will be learned this way, you are wrong. Children learn from what they see. You don't have to make a big deal out of expressing yourself, just casually describe how you feel. You'll be surprised the next time your child is feeling something when he imitates how you handled something!
Essential
Here's a great technique to teach your child to name his feelings. Play a game in which you act out an emotion and ask him to figure out what you're feeling. Then let him take a turn where you describe what he is enacting. It's a fun, easy way to learn and to spend some quality time with your child.
Coping by Communication
Helping your child develop good, solid communication skills is a super preventative for depression. And you are also helping him create skills for coping with adversity. When bad things happen, or when your child perceives something in a negative way, he needs a way to deal with it. Whether he has been neglected by the in crowd or made an uncharacteristic C on a math test, he needs skills to communicate how he is feeling or how he wishes to manage a particular problem.
If your child can talk about these events, he can also express his feelings. In turn, you are able to help him come up with options for coping. You don't have to be the perfect problem-solver, just a very good supporter and cheerleader!
Question?
How do communication skills prepare my child for adversity?
Kids must learn how to accurately communicate their thoughts and feelings. Without that ability, they cannot manage problems efficiently. Helping your child express how he feels, and then to develop options for action, is the perfect framework for managing adversity now and in the future.
A good exercise to try is to have your child list the way he feels about a situation. Then have him make a list of options for coping. After he does this, have him make another list of the pros and cons of his options. Discuss with him what the consequences of these actions might be and how they would affect him. This sort of plan will serve your child well in a number of settings.
