Depressed children frequently have trouble expressing their feelings. When they do, they often say things in such a way that you miss the clues. If your child is talking with a lot less emotion than she normally does, it could be a sign she is feeling depressed. If she acts as though talking takes a lot of energy, and again, this is uncharacteristic of her, pay attention. So how do you get her to talk?

The sensation that your feelings are boiling up on your insides is uncomfortable and scary. Like a balloon filling with air, you have a breaking point. You feel as if a pin were to prick you, you'd explode and fly through the air! This is how a child feels if she is becoming depressed. That is why it's important to create an atmosphere where open communication is possible and encouraged.

Two Ears, One Mouth

Parents have a tendency to discount things children say. Parents are busier today than ever and the minutes spent with their children are few and far between. So when your very popular child comes homes and says, “No one likes me,” your natural instinct is to respond with “Don't be silly, every one likes you. Don't feel sorry for yourself.” But what if your child is really trying to tell you something? What if she is worried about something?

The funny thing is, when you ask your child what is wrong, she will probably go on and on about how no one likes her, as if she is trying to convince you, and herself, that this is really the problem. You are bound to become impatient and again, you will dismiss her words as trivial complaining.

Listen to what your child is saying. Maybe she really is feeling disliked. Or perhaps she is beginning to feel inadequate somehow among her peers. Remember, you have two ears and one mouth. It seems logical therefore that you should use those ears more than you use your mouth. Use those ears to listen to, or better yet absorb, what your child is saying.

Acceptance and Empathy

These are two words that are bantered about carelessly. In communication with your children, they need to feel that they are not being judged. The more you show acceptance and refrain from overreacting, the less likely they are to clam up and stop sharing with you.

Your child needs to know that he can say what he needs to say. You have to learn the ability to separate your judgments and opinions from his words. That's where empathy comes in. You've heard the expression, “Walk a mile in another's shoes.” This is what you must try to do.

You're probably saying that it's been a while since you've been a youngster so it's hard to know exactly what he's feeling. Well, you're going to have to try. Do you remember how you felt when a group of kids wouldn't invite you to play with them? Or when you knew something was up between your parents but your mom said, “Everything's fine, honey, don't you worry”?

When it comes to teens, they are the most difficult to get talking! Pushing usually ends up creating the exact result you don't want — he will dig in his heels and remain silent. Don't ask questions that he can quickly answer with a yes or no. Nudge him a little by asking open-ended questions. His answers may give you more information about what is bothering him.

So when your child says something, listen, don't judge, and remember how you felt when someone didn't do that for you.