Self-esteem is an active, ongoing process. Your child's first sense of who she is comes from her family experiences. These relationships and interactions form the foundation for how she sees herself. Just like learning to label emotions, your child will need to learn techniques for developing a healthy, strong self-image.

Self-control

Self-control is not merely learning to keep quiet in class or to stay seated when required. The ability to control one's emotions and the actions that follow is one of the most important skills you can teach your child as a preventative against depression. When your child understands that she has some active part in controlling her emotions, she develops emotional resiliency and a healthy self-esteem.

When things happen, it's natural to think you have to react right away. Typically, when under stress or feeling pressured due to negative emotions, a child will blurt out or do something that is counterproductive. Teach her that she is not always required to respond to a person or situation immediately. If she is unsure what to say or do, she can take a time-out.

A time-out merely means she doesn't have to do anything until she has had time to consider her options. She can respond after she has considered how she feels and what would make her feel better as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. If she doesn't know what to do, she can always say, “Let me get back to you.” This gives her an out until she is able to respond appropriately. As she masters the skill of self-control, her self-esteem will naturally increase and her risk for depression decrease.

What Kids Can Do

Here are five things that your child can try to develop good, healthy self-esteem:

• Make a list of all the things you like about yourself.

• Make a list of all the new things you would like to try.

• Think of the people you know who are very different from you and write down their names. Beside each name, describe how that person is different and what it might feel like to be that person.

• What sort of goals would you like to achieve in the next month, three months, six months, and a year?

• Do you have any role models? Who are they and why do they inspire you?

What Parents Can Do

While you are busy getting your child to work on his own self-esteem, here are five things you can do to boost him along:

• Separate the behavior from the child. Help him to see that despite mistakes or blunders that he makes, he is still a terrific kid. You don't have to love the behavior, only the kid!

• Accentuate your child's strengths. Parents find themselves often focusing on the negatives about their children. Try doing just the opposite.

• Encourage respect for you, others, and for himself. One way to do this is to help him honor the differences between others. Help him to understand how he fits into his own world where not everyone will be like him.

• Encourage your child to try new things. Gently pull him from his comfort zone and allow him to experience the rest of the world. He may succeed, he may fail, but he will have tried. And it is through trying that self-esteem is formed.

• Write praise slips. These are little notes that you put in a lunchbox, under a pillow, or tape to a bathroom mirror that say, “Way to go!” or “I'm so proud of you for….” These are sweet, tiny ways to let him know you are thinking of your child and all the wonderful things he does and how blessed you are to be his parent!

The bottom line is that while you can't always prevent depression from occurring, you can still try. You may never know if you have won that battle. You may also prevent depression from worsening or recurring. In any case, children need to have these skills to develop healthy patterns of coping. These coping skills not only will serve as excellent shields against depression, but also will build good self-esteem and offer a child ways to interact successfully for the rest of his life.