How do children learn to get what they want? They become master manipulators! Early on, she discovers that with just a tiny smile, or the turning down of her lower lip, you melt. If she asks just right, or even asks enough times, you give in! See how simple it is? It's no wonder that as she ages she refines this skill such that she can maneuver with perfection and you never know what hit you!

While you are a softie when it comes to your child and her antics, you are even more vulnerable to manipulation when your child is ill. Think back to the last time your child was home sick from school. Chances are whatever she asked for you brought it to her. You knew she wasn't feeling that bad, but she looked so sad and miserable that you couldn't deny her.

When your child is depressed, you are going to experience the same emotions just like you would if she were physically ill. No parent wants her child to feel bad or to experience discomfort. You realize that illness is unavoidable, but that doesn't stop you from wanting to lessen your child's pain.

It's important not to allow your child to fall into the “poor, pitiful me” syndrome. This happens when a child realizes that she can invoke sympathy by pretending to be sad, uncomfortable, and needy. Of course, these are real symptoms of a child with depression, so you will need to consider how much of her behavior is real and whether she is actually using her illness to her advantage.

Signs of Manipulation

Consider how your child behaved when he wasn't depressed. With the depression, his behavior is bound to change. What you should look for is behavior that you find yourself giving in to despite your better judgment. This doesn't make you a bad parent, only a bit of a sucker! And your child knows it!

If your child is trying to get out of her chores, her homework, and other important tasks because she doesn't feel like it, she's using her depression. If she makes excuses for her behavior by using the depression card, she's manipulating. If she says, “If you'd only buy me a. …,” she's trying to wrap you right around her finger.

How to Respond

It's perfectly normal to want to grant your child's every wish, but it isn't realistic. When your child is depressed, you don't need to give in any more than you did before the depression hit.

There's no need to respond to your child by fussing or debating why she wants something. Instead, listen to her requests and ask yourself three questions. First, is she trying to get out of a responsibility or does she want you to buy her something simply because she feels bad? Second, will giving in to her actually help her or will it be a temporary fix? Third, are you encouraging her manipulative behavior?

Giving in is fine to a certain degree. Only you can determine where to draw the line for your child. If you do decide to give in, let your child know that it will not become a pattern and that she still has responsibilities even with her depression. Let her know that the new outfit she is begging for because it will make her feel better is not going to cure the problem, whether it's depression or something else. While she may enjoy the way she feels when she wears it, the depression will still be there. Giving in too much encourages the behavior to continue.

Let your child know that having depression calls for action, not helplessness. She can overcome her depression, but it isn't fair to use it to get attention. Just like any other illness, it will have to be addressed but it shouldn't become her identity.