There are all sorts of effects on the family unit when a child is depressed. A parent feels the most responsibility for making sure everyone is all right. Parents want to heal everyone, and to make things better in whatever ways they can. They will spin their wheels looking for the magic cure even though they know there isn't one.

On the other hand, if the depressed child is aware of the family's stress, he will also blame himself for thinking he caused their troubles. Even though it is irrational for him to think this, he does it nonetheless. It is easy to see how the blame game and the guilt trip can occur on both sides. Talking about this with your child and the rest of the family will be important to help lessen the tension within.

Effect on Parents

Any parent will tell you that she does not want anything to be wrong with her child. It is difficult enough to deal with a physical illness, let alone something as scary as a mental illness! A parent is frequently consumed with guilt because she is sure that she either caused the depression or let it go on too long before seeking help. As you have learned, you are not the expert on depression, and unless you have dealt with it before, there is no reason to think you could have necessarily spotted your child's troubles early on. Part of the depression-diagnosis-treatment conundrum is that you have to observe your child for a while before making the decision that something is wrong. Doing this too hastily is no more productive than waiting too long.

Often, parents will go through a process similar to grieving, although obviously not nearly as severe as when a death occurs. This is perfectly normal. A parent might first try to deny that a problem exists or that it will go away on its own. Then she may begin to feel guilty that she denied there was any trouble and didn't recognize a problem was present. She may feel angry and ask, “Why is this happening to my child?” Her anger might even be focused on the child as she feels resentful that this is something else she must handle along with the regular responsibilities and stresses of family life.

As a parent moves through this process, if she is successful, she will come to the point of acceptance. The realization that her child does indeed have depression may result in feelings of disappointment, more anger and guilt, and bewilderment. All of these reactions and feelings are perfectly normal, but they must be dealt with to minimize their effects on the child. Having a mental illness is not the worst calamity to befall a child if it is handled properly.

It is quite common for parents to disagree with one another about rules, discipline, and other matters related to the children. So it makes sense that they might disagree about how to handle a child's depression. One parent might blame the other for not handling things the way they were supposed to be handled, which really means, “Why aren't you doing it my way?” A couple who might already be under stress because of their own marital difficulties can break under the added pressure of having a child with depression.

Single Parents

Even though studies have found single parents with a depressed child are no more affected than a regular family, it seems impossible that this could be true. One parent is typically doing the work of two parents.

If the parents are divorced, there are often two kinds of environments at play. There may be two different sets of rules and discipline, and there may be other players within each system that will affect how the child's depression will be addressed. Trying to get two schedules together to attend appointments may be unreasonable.

The possibility that one parent will try to blame the other for the child's depression is a real possibility. A single parent may have less money and therefore fewer resources for helping her child. She will almost always have more time constraints. How can this not be more stressful?

Stepfamilies

Just the mention of a stepparent or stepfamily can strike fear in an adult. The separating of an old family and the merging of new families are always stressful, no matter how great the circumstances. Unfortunately and too often, this process is not a positive one and can leave many of its participants feeling left out, resentful, defensive, and neglected. Add to this mix of emotions a child with depression and there is the real chance for trouble!

A stepparent might refuse to be involved in his stepdaughter's treatment because it's not his child. He may resent the amount of time this child is taking away from the time he could be spending with his new bride. Likewise, the new wife might be defensive about her child and more protective than usual. She might be angry that her new husband refuses to participate in the treatment process and ultimately blame him if things don't go well for her daughter.

The scenarios of adults living with a depressed child are too many to mention. The important thing to remember is that depression will affect those closest to the child, and that is typically the immediate family. Failure to address how it is influencing each member of the family can prove to be more damaging than the depression alone.