What Have You Learned?
Think back to the moment you first received your child's diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. What were you feeling in that moment? Confusion? Upset? Despair? Hopelessness? Next, think about how you're feeling now, today, especially after having read this book. How much different do you feel now compared with then?
You and your child have been on quite a journey together. He has worked to adapt to people, places, and things that are often very difficult to discern without your gentle support and guidance. Your child has come a long way toward becoming more self-sufficient and independent. But what about you? What have you learned as an Asperger's parent? One mom, Gina, eloquently summarizes her thoughts and feelings in a way that many parents will relate to best.
I've always thought of having a child with Asperger's Syndrome as a journey. It begins with the never-to-be-forgotten moment the words tumble out of a physician's mouth. Little do any of us realize it at the time, but the whole world is about to change forever. Sometimes there is grief, sometimes despair. Yet there are also times of such profound revelation, such profound love, that you find yourself thanking God that he gave you this incredible being who inevitably expanded you and taught you so much.
In the early days, I remember thinking, “Why me? Why Jon?” One day the answer came to me. “Why not me? Why not my son?” If there was to be a child with Asperger's, perhaps I was the perfect person to be that child's parent. And perhaps I needed that child just as much as he needed me. I am forever changed because of it. And I cannot imagine being anyone but the person I am today. If Jon is a special-needs kid, then maybe I'm a special-needs parent.
Another equally wise mother shared her observations as well:
Your job, like Edison's mother, is to develop the child's potential, which may be greater (or not) than your own. You are helping him to unlock his world. You deepen your relationship with the child. He may share some insights only with you, about himself or about what he is learning or creating. What a privilege!
Bonnie, another mother, believes in using her son Noel's passions to gain access to his way of thinking. Not only has this made the teaching and learning process easier and more effective, she has had the pleasure of seeing her son learn and achieve. In so doing, Bonnie has found that she's learned a lot about herself, and she calls the special bond with Noel “an amazing experience.”
Without your child in your life, you would be a different person, wouldn't you? As the parent of a child with Asperger's Syndrome, how has your life been “forever changed”? Perhaps you have become stronger, more vocal, or more defensive in protection of your child and his rights. (By extension, are you more tolerant and compassionate of differences in people of all kinds?) Perhaps your example of total, loving acceptance has been the model others follow, including your other children. Remember that your child will reflect back to you what you project upon him. Armed with your loving support, your trust and your confidence, your child will be poised for great things. And you have every reason to expect them.
