Transition to New Home
If your child's school environment is a social jungle fraught with peril or inconsistency, then home is his fortress of sanctuary. Your child's house — and bedroom in particular — is home base, a safe, impenetrable island in which he can relinquish his masquerade of neurotypical “normalcy” and be himself by himself. You've experienced what can occur if you or anyone else disrupts this sanctuary without adequate notice. Now, imagine what it can mean for your child if the physical structure of his room (and, by extension, his entire home) is threatened or removed because your family is relocating to a new living environment. Your child may experience resistance, denial, and emotional upset when you break the news of the move to another house. Depending upon the reason for the move, it may be easier to accept some than other rationales (divorce versus job transfer). Be wary of your child's potential to dip into a depressed state at this time as well. In any case, it will be important to partner with your child in as many facets of this process as possible.
Once the initial shock and heartbreak of the news subsides (yes, it can be that traumatic), share with your child thoughts about all the impending unknowns that face you and your family. If your child is an oldest child, can he assist you in breaking the news to younger siblings, cousins, neighbors, or other family members? This kind of “adult” responsibility can empower your child to shift his perspective of the move to a more selfless position. Think of some of the other responsibilities you can share with your child with Asperger's to make the move more palatable and less threatening. Perhaps your child could:
Scan the Internet to locate Realtors, new home listings, and other related information
Help you to schedule dates and times to meet with Realtors to view prospective homes
Help arrange showings of your current home
Begin to inventory household and personal belongings
Plan a garage sale or designate items for drop-off donation
Start to prioritize packing and labeling moving boxes
Identify all utility companies that require notification of the move
Fill out change-of-address cards
Determine data involving the geographic location of the move, mileage to and from the destination, and other pertinent logistics
When viewing potential new homes, allow your child to accompany you whenever possible. Encourage him to ask questions of the Realtor related to areas of interest or importance for him. This will help quell his anxieties, and you may be surprised to hear him ask questions you hadn't thought to ask yourself. As with transitioning to a new school, once you've narrowed your choices of location to a select few, plan to document the final decision-making visits by taking photos or videos. Not only will this be an aid to your child, it will be as equally helpful to you as well in recalling certain details.
Essential
There are no two ways about it: Moving to a new home, especially under duress or unpredictable circumstances (like divorce or a death in the family), will have great impact on your child. Though this is likely a stressful and hectic time for everyone, make yourself available to listen to your child's (perhaps repeated) concerns. Illustrating or writing about the experience might be a helpful way of venting for him to process the anxiety.
During these walk-throughs, give your child the chance to speculate with you about room designations, potential location of furniture, changes in décor, and so on. If you are building a new home, it will be equally beneficial to you and your child to document the building process (with your child manning the camera). Moving day will still be very emotional for you all, but maintaining a positive attitude about a new beginning and a fresh start will be of immeasurable value.
