Attending a New School
One of the mistakes parents and other adults make in interacting with children with Asperger's is in not preparing them for what's coming next. Changing jobs, having a new baby, or relocating to a new home are all exciting opportunities, but they are also stressful, overwhelming times. As an adult, you compensate for change by gathering as much information in detail as possible about who, what, when, where, why, and how. When you have incomplete information about future events, it heightens your anxiety in anticipation of the unknown. Too often, parents overlook sharing the same kinds of information with their child — information that would help him feel just as safe, comfortable, and in control of what's coming next.
It is likely there is little else in your child's perspective of his world as important — or anxiety inducing — as school. If your child is a “pleaser,” a perfectionist, socially challenged, or a stalwart rule-follower, school can seem like a life-or-death situation at times when things don't go as planned. The transition to a new school can include changing from elementary school to middle school or middle school to high school. It can also include moving to a new school district. No matter which, your child will rely upon you to guide him toward making predictable sense of it all. Give it as much attention and importance as it carries for him but balance it with an air of fun and adventure. Remember, your child will reflect back to you what you project upon him. If your stress or anxiety shines through, it will directly affect the intensity of his anxiousness. Wherever possible, partner with your child in information gathering or, at the least, provide daily updates to quell his fears and butterflies. (He's probably already asking you the same questions repeatedly on a daily basis anyway.)
Alert
The word “change” in and of itself may be disconcerting for some children with Asperger's. Oftentimes, change is associated with loss of security and unpleasant circumstances. Instead, try discussing change from the perspective of opportunities to grow, learn, and mature — with your loving support and guidance.
Start by acknowledging that changing schools can be a scary or frustrating time because of so much being unknown. Moving up in grades is also a measure of growth and maturity. Reinforce with your child that he is growing and learning, and that he certainly wouldn't want to stay in his present grade level, even if it meant remaining in the same building. Pledge to support your child in demystifying as many of the unknowns as possible.
In addition, a school-team meeting should take place to plan for your child's transition, and, to ensure consistency, document the steps agreed upon. If the school does not offer such a meeting, contact your child's school to request that the principal schedule one. If you learn such a meeting cannot be held, request, in writing, to reopen your child's IEP for the purpose of including information in planning the transition. The focus of that portion of the meeting should be exclusively on supporting your child to transition to a new school with as much ease and comfort as possible. What follows are some strategies that should prove useful and might be discussed in detail at such a meeting.
Preparations
If possible, it will be most helpful for your child to meet next year's primary or homeroom teacher before the end of his current school year. In fact, in addition to meeting in person, it will probably be beneficial to arrange for that teacher to observe your child in class to glean firsthand information about his learning style, as well as to demystify Asperger's Syndrome in general. (Many teachers may not know much — if anything — about Asperger's Syndrome if they haven't had a student with Asperger's previously.)
It will also prove very helpful if your child's new teacher could “make themselves real,” so to speak, to your child in advance of meeting face-to-face. The concept of making oneself real can apply to anyone in your child's life, but in particular adults, especially those in caregiving roles. Adults in your child's life are the keepers of a lot of information about your child. This includes family history, medical history (including allergies and medications), psychological and psychiatric history, dietary background, educational records, and more. The balance of the scales of the relationship is tipped unevenly because your child has nowhere near a similar depth of information about the adults in his life as they do about him.
Many children with differences have a long parade of “card-board cutouts” (in the outline of caregivers and educators) coming in and out of their lives without any personal investment in the relationship on the child's part. By demystifying the adults as human beings, the cardboard facades are shed and there is reason to begin to trust in the relationship. To begin, new teachers can provide your child with a clear, up-to-date photograph of themselves (a photograph in which someone has a different hair color and style or facial hair where now they have none will only be confusing and potentially upsetting). Attached to the photograph, teachers may add, in bullet-point sentences, any personal data each feels most comfortable sharing. Some examples include:
Full name, with an indication that the teacher is to be addressed only as Mr., Mrs., or Miss/Ms., unless special circumstances prevail
Birthday (note it's birthday not birth date — no one should feel compelled to reveal their age) and birthstone
Favorite color(s)
Car make, model, color, and year. (Some kids will love knowing how many miles are on your car, too!)
Favorite music
Hobbies and passions
Pets and their names
Loved ones and children
Favorite sports (as a participant or spectator)
Favorite places to vacation or visit
These are just a few examples to which many more may be added at each individual's discretion. The concept of “making yourself real” may also be adapted to aid all students in feeling comfortable with their teacher on the first day of school, and can even be used as an icebreaker among the entire class, if a teacher facilitates it. Similarities in likes, dislikes, and passions may emerge that could lend themselves to linking your child socially with others right from the first day of school. Other adults in your child's school career who may wish to consider participating in this process include:
Principal
Office secretaries
Aides, therapists, or instructional assistants
School bus or van drivers
Custodians
Cafeteria staff
School nurse
Librarians
Fact
One teacher started off the school year by requesting that all students create an “about me” collage of images designed to, at a glance, communicate their personalities, likes, and interests. He also participated and, at the end of the school year, gave his female student with Asperger's a notebook, the cover of which he had decorated with football images — his passion — in remembrance of him.
Equipped with personal information that deconstructs all these individuals as “real” people, your child may find himself with a greater level of comfort and confidence in approaching each individual as needed.
Adjusting to the School Environment
Your child should also feel a sense of empowerment and ownership if provisions are made to familiarize him with the new school building. If you allow him to take the lead in this, all the better. You can do this by scheduling at least one visit to the new building and arming your child with a camera or camcorder to record the proceedings, allowing him to be in charge of directing the “movie” for the day. In this way, your child can independently quell his anxiety by reviewing the images as often as he wishes at his leisure and at home, where he feels safe and comfortable.
With each viewing, he should feel less anxious and more comfortable about the impending environment (your child will have enough to deal with in getting acclimated as it is). Start by taking pictures or running a video beginning with the point at which your child will be dropped off in front of the building; you'll want to ensure that everything will be replicated as close as possible in “real life” that first school day, but for now, it's a “dress rehearsal.” Next, move inside the building and follow the path your child will take according to his schedule (which you and your child should have well in advance of the start of school). Obtaining a map of the property's layout for your child to keep should also prove useful. Specify all the rooms and exits your child may use, identifying each as you go. You know your child best, and, as your child may be preoccupied with picture-taking, be certain to note any sensory-sensitivity triggers in the environment — smells, tastes, or visuals. This will help your child to prepare and plan some subtle adaptations or accommodations.
Essential
Many kids with Asperger's have a dramatic flair or are keenly interested in deconstructing live-action and animated films. If your child has videotaped or photographed his new school, try empowering his confidence and further quelling anxieties by creating his initial presentation of the material as a “premiere” (admission by ticket only, naturally), during which he conducts the official debut. A question-and-answer session may follow at his discretion.
Your child's locker assignment, or the place where his belongings will be stored, should also be captured on film. Additionally, the final product from the visit — pictures or videos — can be viewed with siblings and other family members with your child narrating the highlights (enhancing his personal investment and elevating comfort levels). The images can also be shared with your child's same-age friends who haven't had the benefit of the sneak preview of the new school environment.
Finally, be certain that your child has his own way of visually counting down the days until the transition by marking off a calendar or some other timekeeping device. Be prepared for his anxiousness to grow and be ready to offer reassurances, answer questions, or review the materials he already has in his possession (making yourself real pictures and stories, and visual images of the school building). Transitioning to a new school will be taxing and stressful for your child but, with these preparations in place, it should be much more manageable for him.
Concerns about Bullying
If your child has anxiety about being identified as an easy target for abuse, find out about the new school's bullying policy and obtain it in writing to review and share with your child. Follow up with the administration if you have any questions or concerns about incident investigation or accountability. As previously noted, your child should know exactly who she can tell about any incidents in which she has felt verbally or physically bullied.
Does the school provide a peer mentor or some other student who can show your child around in a discreet, nonstigmatizing way with the potential for friendship? How will you receive communication from the school about any issues that arise? Also, it will be helpful to aid your child's transition if she is well aware, in advance, of any responsibilities that can be assigned to her during unstructured activity times. Some schools offer structured indoor activities as alternatives to recess and other unstructured times.
