As your child with Asperger's blossoms into a teenager, he is also developing as a sexual young adult. He may be finding himself sexually attracted to others more and more, and perhaps is finding a social niche by imitating the way he sees others interacting. He may develop crushes typical of any young person feeling a strong connection with another because of mutual interests, compatible personalities, or similar skills and talents.

Is It Love?

Like anyone, some young people with Asperger's can grossly misjudge the depth or reciprocation of potentially romantic relationships with others. This may be an extremely confusing time for your child. Much of what is considered sexual chemistry between two people is unspoken, subtle, or steeped in innuendo — including all facial-expression and body-language cues your child may have difficulty tapping into. Because many people with Asperger's think of social behavior in clear-cut terms, your child may overestimate the intent of the other party in the relationship. (In the cruelest of circumstances, the other person may be “playing” your child, setting him up to fall for his or her own amusement; or the person may have been put up to it by others with similarly disingenuous motives.) It may also be that the other person only perceives your child as “just a friend.”

Unrequited Crush

The challenge is that some kids with Asperger's don't recognize the nuances of what's friendship and what's puppy love (or full-blown, young-adult romance). In some instances, this misinterpretation can lead the individual with Asperger's, perhaps driven by genuine affection, to become intensely infatuated. This may demonstrate itself through symptoms similar to those of obsessive-compulsive disorder — not eating or sleeping regularly, inability to focus and concentrate, thinking about nothing but the other person. Be especially watchful for symptoms of depression at this time as well.

If your child is misinterpreting social cues, is in denial or dis-believing of another's communications, or won't take “no” for an answer, there is potential for him to be accused of stalking or harassment, especially if this is the first time he's experienced such intense feelings of affection. On occasion, a person may go to extremes to make his plea known, such as harming himself or threatening to kill the person, taking radical measures in a public environment such as school, or other similar threats. Usually, these are nothing more than cries for attention (you know your child to be a gentle, quiet individual), but, in this day and age, severe communications of this nature are not tolerated and schools are quick to enforce serious consequences in reaction to such threats. Any pronouncement of the intent to harm oneself or others, or attempts to do so, must be treated very seriously with swift intervention.

At this time, it will be wise to gauge, day by day, your child's activities; most of his time (and the interactions he enjoys) will occur away from home, during the day, and in school. Ensure that you are regularly asking specific, detailed questions about his day, particularly if you suspect something is wrong.

There is also the flip side to consider. In one instance, a boy with Asperger's misinterpreted the romantic advances of a girl, thinking they were just friends. Apparently she became so impatient and frustrated at his lack of sexual savvy that she stood him up at a school dance. When she finally arrived, she acted cold and indifferent toward him, propelling him further into confusion. Hopefully, with your awareness and early guidance, your child will experience both success and bittersweet (but manageable) romantic interactions.