Bullying
Like it or not, many kids with Asperger's are perceived as different by their peers despite their efforts to blend and assimilate. Coming across as different can make a child a target in the eyes of those who prey upon the weak and defenseless. Many children with Asperger's become terrified and anxiety-ridden at the prospect of being bullied, especially during the transition to middle school and high school. As freshmen, they are younger than the other students who may traditionally give all incoming students a hard time.
When the Bully Is a Student
Many school districts have taken a no-tolerance approach to bullying, especially with the significant increase in school violence nationally in recent years. They have also developed written rules and guidelines about what is unacceptable student behavior and the consequences for not complying with the rules. Your child should receive such a written policy either in advance of the start of school or within the first week of school. If you don't have it, contact the school to request it. Having it may help soothe and appease your child's worries.
Facilitating partnerships that may lead to friendships (allies) will be critical, starting at an early age. Some schools also have a buddy system, whereby younger students are mentored or assisted by older, supportive students during an orientation period. You may also need to partner with your child to devise a way to hold a frank discussion with her teachers about the need for protection during the school day. Appropriate ways to cope with verbal and physical abuse need to be taught and rehearsed. Give your child a numbered list of actions to discreetly maintain in the event of an incident. The actions may include the exact phrases to use when telling her abuser to stop it and knowing to whom bullying should be reported. Some children may also require coaching to learn how to recognize some forms of bullying that may be very subtle, such as the student who was coerced by his bullies into swearing at a teacher and then bore the brunt of the punishment alone.
Alert
Providing your child with your school's written policy on bullying is not enough. She needs to know exactly whom she may trust to approach and confide in (which is hopefully any adult in the school). She will, of course, likely single out one or two closest school adult allies whom she knows will take her complaint seriously.
Luke Jackson, a young man with Asperger's, has commented on bullying in his writings:
Being different may not be a problem for me, or other kids like me, but it sure seems to cause problems for “normal” (ha!) kids. The result … bullying! I think there is some amount of bullying going on at all times, in schools everywhere. Some have it worse than others, but all have it. I was definitely bullied, and “it” was very painful at times. Always remember that “different is cool!” A lot of teachers and adults think bullying is “part of growing up,” but I have written books, talked at conferences, and opened my life up on television just to let everyone know that people with autism in any shape or form are just as entitled to be themselves as anyone else in the world.
When the Bully Is an Adult
In some unfortunate instances, the bully is not another student but an insensitive teacher. One teenage girl with Asperger's honestly did not understand her gym teacher's instructions. After telling her several times (still in ways she did not understand), the exasperated teacher pushed the girl and said, “What are you? A retard?” This is, of course, inexcusable behavior and must be dealt with by counseling the child immediately to prevent the onset of post-traumatic stress disorder. The issue also needs to be addressed with the school administration so that the child is removed from that teacher's class and the teacher's behavior is addressed.
You may also need to counsel your child about reporting extreme cases of bullying; ensure that he is clear about what is good-natured kidding and what is unacceptable to endure. It can be a fine line sometimes, and sorting it through will be an ongoing process.
