In viewing your child's Asperger's Syndrome in a proactive manner, you will also need to feel grounded in basic, positive philosophies first defined by the late humanitarian Herb Lovett. Because people are all more alike than different, the philosophies will ring true when you reflect upon yourself and your own way of being.

The first philosophy is, “People have good reasons for doing what they do.” The second philosophy is, “People are doing the very best they know how to with what they've got.”

Your premise as a parent should be to err on the side of caution by approaching situations involving your child's perceived wrong-doing from these two perspectives. Here's one example: Upon meeting a greatly overweight man while in the company of his parents and others, a preteenage boy with Asperger's Syndrome asked the man in a loud, clear voice how it felt to be “fat.” The incident caused some people to conceal smirks while others felt embarrassment at the boy's candor. The gentleman in question surely felt some degree of humiliation as well. In addressing the situation, the (understandably aghast) parent of a typical child might scold the child for his insensitive and rude remark. Instead, now deconstruct the scenario using the previous philosophies.

First, apply the first philosophy. Did the boy have good reasons for doing what he was doing? That is, was his motivation in asking the heavyset man such a blunt and blatant question pure? The answer is yes. The boy was, himself, overweight for his age. In asking the man how it felt to be fat, he was attempting to legitimately glean information that was of importance to him. He was knowledgeable of the inherent health risks and issues that may be associated with being overweight. He was projecting himself into the future by envisioning himself as an overweight adult, not unlike the gentleman he just encountered.

Now apply the second philosophy. Was the boy doing the very best he knew how to in the moment? The parent of a typical child might conclude that the child should have known better to withhold such a crass remark and was deliberately creating an embarrassing scene. However, the boy had never been privately counseled not to make remarks about people's weight in public. Nor had anyone previously told him that the word “fat” was usually highly offensive when used to describe someone.

Does this mean that the child with Asperger's is never deliberately a troublemaker? Of course not; kids are kids. Your challenge is to discern what motivates your child with Asperger's Syndrome and separate that from jumping to conclusions about typical smartalecky kid behavior. Follow the path of least resistance by starting with the two positive philosophies.