Opportunities for Bonding
There is no guarantee that understanding how conversation flows will lead to friendships. As previously discussed, building upon your child's most passionate interests and connecting to others with the same, or similar, passions will usually foster a depth to the relationship beyond mere surface conversation. Where your child may need you is in fostering situations in which she can meet others who are as equally impassioned. Once connected with at least one other peer who “gets” her and speaks the same language, your child will feel terrific. Knowing that others value what she has to offer will bolster her self-esteem. There is no better way to feel bonded with others than through mutual love of something or someone.
Finding Opportunities
What opportunities are available in your community by which you can support your child in making contacts to build upon her passion for insects, astronomy, Japanese animation, or other topics? If you are uncertain, start by pursuing the following:
Programs and special events offered by your local library
Community projects or special celebration days
Opportunities offered through the newspaper, local circulars, or “merchandiser”-type papers
Opportunities offered through local television and radio stations
Community classes such as arts and crafts, or martial arts
After-school activities sponsored by your school district
Programs and special events offered by your local historical society or museums
Special events sponsored by local athletic leagues
You may find other venues in your community to add to this list. As noted before, one of the most powerful and advantageous ways to connect with others with similar passions is through the Internet. The possibilities are endless. Your child may learn more about other kids of the same age, beyond just the passion they share, by locating them on a map and learning about the local industry, economy, and more. The child passionate about Japanese animation may even have the chance to communicate with someone of that culture. They can compare notes and exchange ideas about the video games each is developing.
Alert
Your child's use of the Internet should be determined by the same rules and cautions you'd set for any of your children, but communication with others by e-mail or instant messaging is social and it should be valued as such.
Social “Practice” Groups
In some communities, parents and professionals have banded together to form meeting groups for kids with Asperger's Syndrome. These gatherings provide a forum for unconditional acceptance in a safe and comfortable environment. Such groups do not advocate exclusion from typical children; rather, they are an opportunity for some children to learn social skills in a place where it's perfectly acceptable to mess up as you learn and practice.
One such social group for kids was initiated in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, in the spring of 2003. The Friendship Club was begun by a group of interested parents wanting activities and resources for their children with Asperger's. The program is sponsored through the Jewish Family and Children's Service of Southern New Jersey and staffed by parents, educators, and therapists.
The group meets weekly, teaching socially accepted rules and skills through role-playing games and worksheets. The lessons may involve comprehending that it's okay to make mistakes, dealing with teasing from others, or learning how to take “no” for an answer without melting down. The Friendship Club also emphasizes practicing eye contact and turn-taking in conversation. Posted rules and goals aid the children in staying focused when they require visual reminders.
Your local school district or county human service program may be able to tell you if any such meeting group already exists in your town or a neighboring town. If there is no such gathering group in your community, you may wish to consider establishing something similar in your area. Most likely, parents previously unconnected will want to meet to discuss the similarities of their lives; but the focus in this instance will need to be on supporting the children to meet their individual needs in a comfortable atmosphere.
