Is It Okay to Be Alone?
It is a stereotype that people with Asperger's Syndrome want to live solitary lives and deliberately isolate themselves from society in hermitlike existence. As more children are recognized to have Asperger's, there is a broadening awareness of the diversity among all people.
Remember the phrase “inherently gentle and exquisitely sensitive”? When one is bombarded daily by sensory stimuli that is irritating or hurtful, or when one is challenged to decipher the logic and rationale of others, it can become physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. We all relish our downtime — those fleeting opportunities when we can change into comfortable clothes, relax, and reward ourselves for having made it through another day. The child with Asperger's is no different, but his desire to be alone can be perceived as “abnormal” simply because the clinical diagnosis says so.
As a parent, you will wish to set rules for all your children about free time versus time you expect chores and homework to be accomplished. It is likely that your child with Asperger's loves nothing more than becoming deeply absorbed in his most passionate of interests — reading, drawing, Internet surfing, or watching TV. Ask that he abide by the rules you have agreed on, but don't penalize him for losing track of time unless you have just cause to believe it is deliberate. Be cautious of imposing your own biases about how “long is too long” to spend alone. (If you suspect your child might be experiencing a symptom of depression, then you will notice his need to withdraw becomes more and more pronounced.)
Essential
Many people cope with everyday stressors by indulging in their own personal relaxation techniques and routines, free from the demands of others. You may consider it “my time.” Some people exercise, soak in a hot tub, read, or watch TV. We are all more alike than different, yet oftentimes parents and professionals place demands upon children as soon as they come through the door from school.
You may also have expectations about what being “social” should look like. But “social” should be defined differently for each individual, depending on that person's needs. You may value many friends as a mark of being socially successful. Some people with Asperger's are content with just a very few, select friends. Many are not social butterflies, don't wish to be, and never will be. Unless they wish to endeavor to become more social, such individuals may simply be the kind of folks who are completely comfortable with a small group of close-knit people. As a parent, you can arrange to expose your child to a variety of people within a range of environments and circumstances. Your child will guide you to those with whom he feels connected and wishes to know better.
