School-Sponsored Activities
In addition to sports-related activities, your school district likely sponsors a variety of in-school and after-school activities that may provide for your child's social interactions with others. These may include:
Clubs of all kinds
Organizations designated by academic achievement
Chorus
Band
School plays and musicals
Dances and other social gatherings
In addition, schools may announce contact information for Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Brownies, volunteer opportunities, and other community-service type groups. These may also appeal to your child for their discipline, structure, and concrete assignments and tasks within a social gathering.
Many school-sponsored activities are initiated with the transition to middle school and high school, as children begin to mature and take on teenage interests. Prior to the start of the new school year, find out what activities your school will make available to students within the coming year. Get the following specifics about any activity:
Who is the contact person?
What are the tentative dates for the activity?
Where do you go to sign up?
Where will the activity take place?
Who will supervise the activity?
How does one contact this person (or persons) during the activity and after-hours?
What are the time frames for the duration of each activity?
Is transportation provided?
Is there any fee to participate?
Does your child need to bring money to cover meals or materials?
Discuss with your child any school-sponsored activities that pique his interest. What are natural places to start? Do any of the activities build upon his passions or talents so that he may meet with some success or at least acceptance his first time out? After you've gathered the information listed for each activity (or better yet, ask that your child gather as much of it as he can), talk with your child about the extent of his participation. Can he (and you) envision being able to balance it with school, homework, and responsibilities at home? If it becomes overwhelming, will he know to say so? Once your child signs up for an activity, he may decide it's not to his liking or it wasn't what he expected it to be.
Your child may not realize that he has any other available option. That is, your child may feel compelled to commit to the activity from start to finish without reprieve, even if it becomes distressing or unpleasant.
Providing your child with the option to opt out if he decides he has lost interest or can't keep up is a matter of your personal parenting style. Some families place high value on honoring commitments, even if doing so is dissatisfying. To them, maintaining the commitment builds character. Other parents are more flexible about participating in such activities and believe that no one should feel obligated to any extra activities if it's uncomfortable. Find a compromise that works for you. If your child is really struggling and has communicated legitimate concerns about continuing to participate, those concerns should be honored.
Question
In what ways might your child organize and facilitate his own gathering of others interested in similar activities or passions?
Many people with Asperger's desire to teach in order to give of themselves and their knowledge. If you and your child can partner with others toward this goal, creating an agenda or outline, or structuring a meeting using Robert's Rules of Order, it might be a successful start for your child.
Above all else, if you've been invited to any events in which your child is participating, ensure that you set aside time to attend, as you would for any of your children. Your being there will be a confidence booster that will greatly enhance your child's (sometimes fragile) self-esteem. You may very well find yourself pleasantly surprised by how well your child maintains — or shines — during an activity that presents a public performance of some kind.
