Earlier, during discussion of the wedding scenario, it was stated, “If your child continues to behave improperly, it may be appropriate to discipline at this time.” The word “may” was emphasized. In addition to being certain that you are communicating your limitations and expectations in as direct, clear, and concrete a way as possible, you will have to take into consideration three other areas before you discipline.

Think of the variety of things that parents and others consider “bad behaviors” in all kids, and especially in kids with Asperger's Syndrome or autism. These behaviors include:

• Hitting

• Kicking

• Spitting

• Biting

• Pulling hair

• Scratching

• Swearing

• Smearing or throwing feces

• Urinating in places other than the toilet

• Physically harming others, including loved ones

• Damaging property

• Doing harm to oneself

Some of these behaviors are seen from time to time in all kids. Still others are quite extreme, like property damage or self-harm. In isolation, these actions may be rarities. When they happen consistently, they become red flags of a serious nature because it is very unusual for these activities to occur consistently for any child. Let's call these behaviors “junk.” It is important to recognize that these junk behaviors are not “behaviors” but communications.

Three Meltdown Triggers

The inability to communicate — to articulately express oneself — in ways that are effective, reliable, and universally understandable is the first meltdown trigger. The other two meltdown triggers fall under the umbrella of communications as well.

The second meltdown trigger is pain and discomfort. That is, severe physical pain and discomfort that is not being communicated in ways that are effective, reliable, and universally understandable.

The third meltdown trigger is mental health issues. That is, significant mental health experiences that are not being communicated in effective, reliable, and universally understandable ways.

The latter two areas fall under the communication umbrella because communication is everything. If you cannot express your physical or mental pain in the moment, then that obstacle is a communication issue. One or any combination of these three areas, communication, pain, or mental health, is what drives the junk behaviors — not Asperger's Syndrome. That's the good news. If you've succumbed to believing stereotypes about Asperger's, then this revelation may come as a surprise to you. Simply because your child has Asperger's, it does not follow that he will automatically manifest some or all of the junk behaviors as a direct result of Asperger's. This is an untruth; otherwise, such behaviors would be listed as Asperger's criteria in the DSM. Because your child is inherently gentle and exquisitely sensitive, he may be particularly prone to being vulnerable; he may be more susceptible than neurotypical individuals to experiencing issues of communication, pain, and mental health.

Dealing with the Meltdown Areas

But these vulnerabilities are not directly affiliated with the diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. They are by-products of the Asperger's experience in some — not all — children. The three meltdown-trigger areas — communication, pain and discomfort, and mental health issues — are of such great importance that each topic will be explored in detail in the following three chapters. In order to be an effective parent and disciplinarian of a child with Asperger's Syndrome, you will need to comprehend each of these areas fully and place them in the proper context of any given situation. This knowledge will aid you in laying a foundation for prevention in order to minimize your intervention.