Additional Social Strategies
It is easy for your child to misunderstand communications and do something other than you intended, or react with frustration when she tries and fails. Your child may be additionally challenged when interacting with peers and others because she:
Has difficulty understanding the rhythmic flow of conversation (i.e., the reciprocation, or “give and take”)
Talks off topic or interjects information that doesn't fit the moment
Is direct and honest and, in so being, is offensive to others
Doesn't understand how to maintain personal space
Has trouble deciphering people's body language
There are a number of concrete strategies you may explore to address such issues.
Alert
Figuring out the peculiarities of human nature is a lifelong art that comes more naturally to some than others. Everyone is a work in progress, as is your child with Asperger's Syndrome. For your child, getting the “hang of” people may just come harder and require more effort to understand. The goal isn't one of mastery but of knowing just enough to get by and be okay.
Debriefing
Try debriefing social situations that were confusing or upsetting by privately, gently, and respectfully deconstructing them portion by portion. Request your child to model his recall of others' body language and facial expressions, or model them yourself and ask, “Is this what you saw?” Once you identify the breakdown in communication, you can better explain what transpired. You may wish to take the subtle language that was originally confusing and exaggerate it in an obvious way. Once your child “sees” it, talk about the less-exaggerated communication originally used.
Carol Gray, a special educator, has developed “Comic Strip Conversations,” a wonderful, visual technique whereby you and your child draw — comic-strip style — social conversations using voice balloons to contain dialogue. Gray encourages using a color-coding system to identify emotions for further clarification. Many kids with Asperger's enjoy drawing, and this strategy is a safe and comfortable way to give your child control in deconstructing social misunderstandings or ideas to apply in the future. It is also a visual way to show turn-taking in conversation, approximate comfort-zone distance from others, and how people's conversations can become jumbled and overlap when someone interrupts too frequently or disrupts the flow by talking off topic.
Making Lists or Videos
Develop a written list of key phrases that your child can use as a socially acceptable entry into conversation. There can be a hierarchy in the sequence of phrases such that they may flow into broader, larger conversations, such as “Hey, what's up?” “What's new with you?” “What did you do over the weekend?” “What did you watch on TV last night?” These questions also promote turn-taking that includes eye contact (where possible). If your child gets stuck, he may also fall back on using typical “scripted” but kid-acceptable responses such as “Cool” or “That's awesome.”
You may also wish to consider videotaping. The caution here is that no one sees and hears himself as others do, and it can be quite disturbing for anyone to watch himself on video. If you wish to try it, ensure that you have your child's permission. It may also be helpful not to single out your child but to naturally capture him engaged in some activities with others. Be certain that any debriefing you do with your child occurs in a gentle, accepting environment. This was the case for one teenage boy videotaped during a discussion group at school. When he privately viewed the video, he was astounded that he came across differently than his perception of himself, and after that he worked to tame and refine his presentation style.
Essential
To support your child using video to deconstruct his social interactions, do it as naturally as possible. If your child knows you are singling him out, he may “overact” and play to the camera. Try videoing at family gatherings or picnics, at parties, while playing games, or during other activities. Always watch the video with your child in privacy.
Writing
Many people are better at expressing themselves in writing than through verbal communication. Here is where computers are a tremendous benefit to kids with Asperger's. The computer is liberating because your child is free from social pressures with regard to immediacy of response, body language, facial expressions, personal space issues, and eye contact in conversation. With e-mail, you can respond in your own time. You may be amazed at the incredible and eloquent insights your child types out in her own time and in the safety and comfort of her own home.
Many kids with Asperger's feel so socially inept that in-person “talk therapy” or group counseling is oftentimes ineffective. Try reaching your child with pressing questions and concerns by sending her an e-mail; you will get a reply that may surprise and enlighten your own understanding of the situation at hand.
If your child is receiving formal supports from your county's service system or your school district, you may wish to encourage the professionals with whom your child interacts to pursue these and other strategies of effective communication. They should be in a position to do so, or may already be knowledgeable about them.
